Hope Renewed

The American poet John Vance Cheney once wrote, "The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears."

Which is a lovely reminder, on this grey January day, that hope does come in the morning. In Chapter 9 of Genesis, God promises Noah to care for the earth and everything in it, and sets a rainbow in the sky as a reminder of that promise. "I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature."

Ever since, the rainbow has been a symbol of hope. I know there is a scientific explanation. The Met Office website explains: "Rainbows are formed when light from the sun is scattered by water droplets... through a process called refraction. Refraction occurs when the light from the sun changes direction when passing through a medium denser than air, such as a raindrop. Once the refracted light enters the raindrop, it is reflected off the back and then refracted again as it exits and travels to our eyes."

But for me, and I guess for many of us, the rainbow is a thing of beauty, a wonderful natural phenomenon that lifts the spirits. 

Cheney's point is that without the raindrops, the tears, we wouldn't be able to experience the rainbow. If there was no contrast, no sadness in our lives, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the wonderful, happy times. If all our experiences had the same emotional impact on us, we would have no sense of sadness and grief, but also no sense of light and joy. 

Human beings are wonderfully complex, usually able to experience a whole range of emotions. When we are sad, grief-stricken, angry, we might wish this was otherwise. And on the other hand, it can feel very vulnerable, to allow ourselves to feel unalloyed joy, because we know that it cannot last. But honestly, I do believe it is worth it, such peak experiences can stay with us forever, reminding us to hope in less happy times.

Happy is Better than Perfect

 This week's quote reads, "I don't want a perfect life. I want a happy life." Me too.

I mean... don't we all? Yet life is messy, chaotic, unpredictable, and we cannot dictate how it will turn out. The one thing we can predict with some certainty is that it will not be perfect. No-one's life is perfect. And so the important thing to realise is that settling for "good enough" will ensure that in the long run, we are far happier than we would be if we were constantly yearning for the "perfect" life.

Perfection is illusive. And elusive. Perfectionism is also what Brené Brown calls "the twenty ton shield" as we struggle for it without ever attaining it. I have blogged about this here. 

I think that the surest path to a happy life is to be content with less-than-perfect. To appreciate the small joys of our daily lives and notice them as they happen. Even when we feel overwhelmed and stressed, it is possible to find small moments of happiness in our day to day lives, if we are sufficiently awake and aware. I try to go for a walk most days and it never fails to lift my spirits to be outside in the natural world. There is always something new and beautiful to notice, even on the greyest day. And when I have finished my day's work, and settle down in my armchair to do some stitching or crochet, I try to remember to notice how lucky I am to have a warm home, enough money, and crafts which absorb me.

I am grateful for my happy life. It is not perfect, but it is absolutely good enough. And so, I am happy.

People Who Have a Bird

When I first read this week's quotation, "With people who have a bird, you can fly to unusual places", my mind immediately went to Gwaihir the Windlord from The Lord of the Rings, who transports Gandalf and others on his back at various points. Because that's the way I roll...

But I'm fairly sure that was not what the unnamed author was talking about. Perhaps it is the bird of imagination, or inspiration, who can light a fire of enthusiasm in other people's minds, so that they follow the bird owner to places they would not otherwise have gone, either in their minds or in their lives.

This kind of bird can inspire creativity of all kinds: writing, art, outside-the-box thinking, all of which can have a profound effect on the people who hear it, see it, or read it. To give a well-known (and possibly fictional) example: Isaac Newton having an apple dropping on his head and "discovering" gravity. Or Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech, which inspired thousands to stand up for themselves and their rights. Or Bob Geldof seeing a television report about the famine in Africa and rushing off to inspire his fellow musicians to form Band Aid.

All of us, I guess, will be able to think of times when the bird of imagination or inspiration has touched our lives, changing it in profound ways. It's about the conjunction of the right words or image at the right time, when our minds are perhaps more open than usual.

When our minds are more open than usual. In order to be inspired, in order to grow and change, we need to be open to the influences of the outside world, rather than facing inward, closed down, centred on our own narrow lives. Which often takes courage... yet it is so worthwhile.

Change the Perspective

This week's quote is about how to change our perspective on life: "When the world is upside down, change the perspective."

As you can see, there is no author given, so I tried to find one on a few quotes websites. And although I failed, I was fascinated by the variety of quotations about seeing things from an upside-down perspective. One of my favourites was by Thomas Edison, who gives us a new perspective on failure: "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Changing the way we look at the world can lead to wonderfully innovative and creative thinking and activity. By daring to look and think "outside the box", to use a well-worn cliché, new ways of doing things may be discovered as well as new solutions to problems. Or we may even cease to see the problems as problems.

Sometimes (often in my own case) it can be the wise words of another person which turn my world upside down, enabling me to see my life from a different angle. The lessons we learn through this process can be hard to receive, but are generally worthwhile. I will never forget the day in the summer of 2013, when I confessed to my spiritual director that I was worried that my drinking was beginning to spiral out of control, and she told me to "Sit with the shame of it." Ouch! And yet, it was the wisest advice she could have given me, as I did just that, which resulted in my taking a vow of sobriety on 2nd September 2013, which I have stuck to ever since. 

Of course, it doesn't need to be something dark which changes our perspective. It can be something wonderful, like visiting a new place and being enchanted by it. Or meeting a new person, who enlarges our horizons. Or becoming a parent or carer - a game-changer for everyone who does it.

I guess that the core of the quote is to keep an open mind - not being constricted by conventional thinking, but being able to look at all sides of a situation, or a person, and hence understand it or them with greater clarity and compassion.

Be Yourself

The words "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken" have been variously ascribed to Anon, Oscar Wilde and Gilbert Perreira. 

No matter who wrote them, I believe they are great advice at the beginning of a new year. After all, who else can we be, but ourselves? And yet, it takes a lot of courage to allow our true selves to be on show to the world. It is incredibly tempting to put on a socially-acceptable mask or persona, partly due to our habit of ascribing labels to ourselves and other people: "partner", "parent", "worker". 

By the time we are approaching middle age, most of us will have a particular position in the world, a particular identity, particular roles, whether in the workplace or outside, and will be identified by particular labels. My principal labels and roles as I started my own inward journey towards authentic living were "mother", "wife", "librarian", "Unitarian" and "runner". Two of which I have now left behind; "runner" with much regret. And one which I have added, "writer", with much joy.

But I believed then that I had to somehow live up to them - to be the ideal "mother", "wife", "librarian", "Unitarian" and "runner". I have learned over the past couple of decades that my only duty is to be myself - the best me I can be at any particular point in time, for sure, but also to accept that I will never be perfect - will never live up to my own (or anyone else's) ideals. The penny dropping moment came in December 2016, when I attended a retreat at Holland House, and realised that the labels I was given are not me. I don’t need to let them identify or define me. They are not mine; in fact, they have nothing to do with me.

So along with resolving to be myself, I have also resolved to follow the splendid advice to do what I can, where I am, with the gifts I have. And to let the rest of the aspirational crap go.