The Worry Gene

 The 16th century French bishop and Doctor of the Church, Francis de Sales, once wrote, "Face what comes your way, not with fear / anxiety, but with hope."

Which is good advice which I, as a natural optimist, find easy to follow. But in recent times, scientific research has revealed that many of us have a genetic disposition towards worry and anxiety. The medical website Healthline.com, suggests that the so-called "worry gene" is not a myth, but a reality. They report, "While it seems that a number of factors can put you at risk for developing anxiety disorders, research suggests that anxiety is hereditary, at least in part."

Of course, everyone feels anxious sometimes, but for those who suffer from full-blown anxiety, it can be debilitating, as they worry about various dark, amorphous futures. Healthline suggest that, "Most anxiety disorders are chronic, meaning they never truly disappear. However, there are lots of effective treatment options out there for anxiety disorders. Through therapy, lifestyle changes, and perhaps medication, you can learn to cope better so that you can manage your disorder."

They also suggest that sharing your anxiety with someone, whether that is a therapist or a friend or family member, can be beneficial. I know from my own limited experience with anxiety that it really does help to talk about it. So perhaps the best thing we optimists can do is to be willing to sit alongside our anxious friends, being ready to listen with the ears of our hearts, without judgement and without trying to fix whatever the problem is. In other words, by showing compassion.

As Buddhist nun, Pema Chödrön once wrote, "In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience - our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity."

 

Approaching the Future with Joy

This week's quotation, by Epicurus of Samos, seems almost paradoxical, "Those who are least concerned about tomorrow, go to meet it with the most enthusiasm."

I had to read it several times, before I suddenly understood what it means. And why it is so appropriate in the first week of a new year. Particularly this new year, which so many of us are entering with great foreboding. I think it's about what Brené Brown calls "foreboding joy".

She explains this, in her book, Daring Greatly, "Softening into the joyful moments of our lives requires vulnerability. If, like me, you've ever stood over your children [sleeping] and thought to yourself, I love you so much I can hardly breathe, and in that exact moment have been flooded with images of something terrible happening to your child, [that is foreboding joy]. ... Once we make the connection between vulnerability and joy, the answer is pretty straightforward: We're trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don't want to be blindsided by hurt. We don't want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practice being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment."

Approaching the future with joy requires vulnerability. The road to happiness means being "least concerned" about tomorrow, not spending all our days worrying and anxious about what *might* happen. Because, here's the thing. Very often, it won't.

I heard a lovely quotation years ago, not sure who it's by:

"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.... and all is well."

Anxiety and worry are very real, and very debilitating. And fatal to present happiness. I count myself very blessed in being a natural optimist. I am married to a natural pessimist, who is always waiting "for the other shoe to drop" as Brené Brown puts it.

Perhaps I am naïve, always hoping for the best. But it is a much happier way to live. I have faith that things will turn out alright in the end, and that I must work to help that to happen. 

So not just blind faith, but faith and works. Let's go forward into 2020 with a zeal to work for a better future.  For all of us.