Happiness is a Decision

 This week's quote reads, "Happiness is a decision, not fate."

And I see what they mean, up to a point. Good things will happen and bad things will happen, but how we respond to them is up to us. We can choose to be at the mercy of our emotions, being blown hither and thither by the winds of fate. Or we can choose to "make the best of it" (or the worst of it) by how we respond.

For example, I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself in the last ten days - I have shingles, and it is very painful. But every day I have tried to find something to be grateful for  - my District has been incredibly supportive; I was sent some beautiful flowers and no less than four get well cards; I have been told to take two weeks off work (which is why there wasn't a blogpost last week) and so have not set my alarm. As a result of which I've been sleeping nine or ten hours a night - I must have needed a rest! Above all, I am grateful for my husband, who has picked up the slack and done the week's shop etc in my place.

A popular theory is that shingles is triggered by over-work, or by trying to cram too many things into too little time. And I've realised that was exactly what I have been doing. I was overtired, overstressed and out of balance.

But I've worked out how to make the changes necessary to bring my life back into balance, and I'm grateful for that too. This illness has been a sharp reminder to take better care of myself, because I'm not in my thirties any more...

Of course, there will be situations in our lives where it is so hard to find a silver lining - when we lose a loved one, for example. Our grief will be deep and real, and has no time limit. But in most situations, there is something we can be happy about (or at least, grateful for), if we look hard enough.

Love is a Choice

Scrolling idly through Facebook this morning, I came across this beautiful image, posted by the First Congregational United Church of Christ from Sioux City, Iowa, on the Faith on the Fringe page:

Reading it lifted my spirits enormously. I thought, yes, there are still people out there fighting the good fight, in the face of all the negativity, anger and hatred spewing forth from various governments and hate groups around the world. 

And it reminded me that we - all of us - have free will, and can make a conscious choice to embrace wonderful things like inclusion, empathy, compassion, equality, dignity, diversity, community, kindness, integrity, honesty, respect, justice, peace, the planet and humanity. We can choose to fact-check before we react to the latest sound-bite. And above all, we can choose to (at least try) to live our lives in a spirit of Love.

Love is an amazing phenomenon. It is fundamental to human well-being, and enables the rest of the good attitudes listed above. I would go so far as to say we can only become fully rounded people, able to respond kindly to those around us, if we love and are loved in return. It is the most powerful emotion in the world. When we truly love someone, we will put their welfare before our own, we will grieve when they are sad or unwell, and share in their joy when things are on the up and up. Loving affects every particle of our being. And I understand God to be Love at the centre of everything.

However, it isn't easy to live in a spirit of love: little that is worthwhile in this world is easy. With so much happening out there to grieve and upset us, the natural human response may be to become angry, vengeful. The process of growing in love is a challenging one. When we choose to try to live in a spirit of love, we are choosing to make ourselves vulnerable, and vulnerability can hurt. Love can only be offered. We can never guaranteed that the other person will love us back, or love us next week, next year... or that they will remain healthy and with us. Choosing to love another person is undoubtedly a vulnerable choice. Love comes with no guarantees - it is without strings. And that applies, whomever, or whatever, the object of our love is. We have to be all in. It involves trusting that the universe is a benevolent place (the evidence around us notwithstanding) and that the best thing we can do is to love on another as God loves us. It takes faith and courage.

All of this involves choice. We can choose to curl in on ourselves, look after Number One, and the rest of the world can go hang. Or we can choose to stand up for love, for all the wonderful qualities listed by the First Congregational United Church of Christ and strive for a better world. 

What will you choose?

 

And... Breathe

For many of us, it is the middle of the annual meetings season, and there is a fair chance we are beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by the size of the to-do list. This is certainly true of me. Our District AGM is on 22nd March, and I am District Secretary, so am in charge of organising it. And the GA meetings are only five weeks away, for which I have several bits of paperwork to prepare - for the Peace Fellowship's AGM, and for a URG debate on the use of Artificial Intelligence in Unitarian worship.

And the rest of my life is pretty busy as well - there's always a service to be written and delivered; people to visit; research to do; family matters; domestic stuff - the list goes on. At times like this, when I am feeling overwhelmed by life, it helps to remember the words of Laird Hamilton: "Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your ears."

That little voice, which whispers, "It's all too much. You can't do it. There isn't enough time. You are responsible if anything goes wrong." A whole litany of negativity, nagging away at my equilibrium.

At times like this, I have found that there is only one remedy. I breathe - simply breathe. "Each breath in a breath of life, each breath out a breath of love" as my first spiritual director taught me. And as I breathe, I imagine a beautiful landscape - green hills and blue sky, like the image above, or a calm sea, like the image below. 

Or, better yet, take my anxieties out for a walk in the woods. I am blessed to live near Salcey Forest, which is a peaceful retreat in all seasons. But even if you live in the centre of a large city, there are always green spaces in which you can walk, beautiful things to notice, which can ground and re-centre you. And... breathe.