Self Acceptance

This week's quote is simple to read, yet hard to interpret. It says, "The most beautiful thing about me is me."

Because it can be interpreted in different ways. One negative way is to be so full of yourself that you believe you are the most important person in the world / your community and that everyone else should do as you say and believe what you believe. I am sure we can all think of a particular American politician who fulfils this brief to the hilt. And of all the negative effects that his narcissism is having on both the States and the wider world.

But most of us do not believe this of ourselves. Most of us have huge chunks of self-doubt, self-loathing to contend with. And so, when we get up in the morning, we put on the Mask, as a shield between our vulnerable selves and the world. As an attempt to fit in, to be accepted by others. And only take it off last thing at night, before sleep. And in between, we spend far too much time on social media, comparing ourselves disparagingly to others. This is also an unhealthy state of being, and a very unhappy way of living.

True self-acceptance is only possible after a lot of hard shadow work, undertaken over a long period of time. To be able to say (and truly mean) "the most beautiful thing about me is me" involves accepting all of ourselves, not only the bits we're proud of, but the small, mean, difficult bits, which we try so hard to hide from other people. There will always be parts of us we are unhappy with, but we have to somehow learn to love them anyway. Which means recognising our flaws, digging deep, finding their positive side (because there is a positive side to all of them) and then integrating them into our deepest selves. And recognising that we will never be perfect, that no-one is, and that is all right.

There are many self-help books, many processes we might follow to do this, including therapy and spiritual direction. In my own case, Debbie Ford's The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, and Richard Rohr's Discovering the Enneagram were the most influential, plus (crucially in my case) being held so that I could do the work, by an empathic spiritual director. But whatever works for you is fine.

Every one of us is of is "unique, precious, a child of God" to quote the Quakers. And infinitely worth of being treated with dignity and respect, including by ourselves.

Footprints in the Sands of Time

The 19th century poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, in A Psalm of Life, "Lives of great men all remind us /  we can make our lives sublime, / and departing, leave behind us / footprints on the sands of time." The 20th century American motivational speaker, Bob Moawad, coined a pithy variation on this: "You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt."

In other words, if we want to make a difference in the world, we need to get up and do something. There is no use sitting back and expecting other people to solve the problems of the world - we each need to do what we can, where we are, with the talents we have. Which may not be much, but to pinch a well-known supermarket's slogan, "Every little helps."

Yet it has to be considered action. It's no good just leaping up from our seats, rushing off, and doing the first thing which occurs to us. Or simply throwing money at a problem and hoping it will go away. No, we need to think hard and consult with others to find the best long-term solution to whatever the problem is.

Which may indeed involve "sitting on your butt" in meetings, and coming to a considered consensus. But then, it is time for action. It is no good agreeing to take action to make the world a better place, if we then drag our feet and wait for someone else to make the first move. The climate change crisis is a good example of this in action. The Paris Agreement in 2016 was excellent, in its way, but its  implementation has been slow, patchy, and inadequate.

Which is where individual activism comes in - those individual footprints on the sands of time which happen when ordinary people come together and work towards a better world, whether that is by protesting, or by making their own commitments to change the situation through their own actions. "Sitting on your butt" simply won't cut it, not any longer. If we want our children and grandchildren to inherit a sustainable planet, we need to act now.

Even a Cliché Can Hold Truth

When I read this week's quotation, my heart sank a little. It seems so obvious, so banal. "Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow."

Then I thought again. The advice may be hackneyed, oft-repeated, but it is good advice, nonetheless. If we do not learn from our experiences, both from what we have done, and from what has happened to us without our own volition, we will make the same mistakes over and over again. Regretting events of the past will not change them. The only thing we can control is our response to what has happened. 

And I have blogged often about the benefits of living in the present, about being mindful about what is happening at each passing moment. Particularly here. In that post, I shared the Sanskrit affirmation, which I'd like to share again:

        

"Look to this day - for it is life, the very life of life.

In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence:

the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendour of beauty.

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision,

but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day."

If we can learn to take this attitude deep into ourselves, I honestly believe it can make a difference. Because if we do learn from the past, and deeply appreciate the present (which is the only point at which time touches eternity) surely there must be a sliver of hope about tomorrow? It may be hard to find, if our personal experience of the present is sad and desperate, yet without hope that the hard time will end, we may succumb to despair.

In the ancient Greek myth, Pandora opened a jar left in her care, which contained sickness, death and many other unspecified evils, which were then released into the world. In spite of her best efforts to close the jar, only one thing was contained - Hope. Wikipedia explains, "Pandora's box is a metaphor for something that brings about great troubles or misfortune, but also holds hope. Symbolically, the box represents the curiosity and desire for knowledge that can lead to both negative consequences and positive outcomes. The evils inside the box can be seen as the challenges and difficulties of life, while the hope represents the optimism and resilience to overcome those challenges."

So yes, this week's quote is good advice: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Fair Exchange is No Robbery

 The proverb "fair exchange is no robbery" means that when two people agree to do something for one another, and both receive something they consider to be of equal value, neither person has been cheated. Neither monetary value nor time taken have anything to do with it. It is the value of the completed tasks which matters, and the benefit they will confer on the recipient.

I'm up in Cumbria for a few days, staying with my best friend for some R & R. And we are both yarn-crafty - she with both knitting needles and crochet hook, me with crochet hook. But just now, she much prefers knitting, which has meant that my three grandsons have benefited by some beautiful jumpers she has made them. And yesterday, we agreed to another fair exchange.

A couple of years ago, we both started to crochet Greg blankets. I finished mine, but she abandoned hers, getting bored with it. Mine is here:

Hers is quite different, being all in cream cotton. And I have made a bargain with her: I will finish her blanket over the Winter, in exchange for which she will knit me a rather gorgeous jumper. We bought the pattern and the wool in Kendal yesterday...

So we're both going to be nice and busy over the next few months. I have a blanket of my own to finish first, and she has a jumper for my oldest grandson to complete before she starts on mine. But we have agreed that we will both do our level best to complete our respective projects by the end of February 2026, which is when both our birthdays fall. Which will keep us both happy, occupied and content, knowing we are doing something which the other will appreciate, and that we will have enjoyed creating, with love in our hearts.

Win/win!

Finding a Middle Way

 This week's quote reads, "Dreamers may not have a plan, but realists have no vision."

Which strikes me as a) a bit harsh and b) a bit simplistic. I don't think the division between those who dream (whom we may perhaps call Idealists, a better counter-balance to Realists) and those who face life unflinchingly, is that straightforward, that clear-cut.

In my experience, it is often the Dreamers whose dreams lead to a plan for a better world, to direct action to achieve that dream. Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous "I have a dream" speech is perhaps idealistic, but he backed it up with solid action. And just because Realists see life as it is, doesn't mean that they too do not dream of changing the world they see around them, and make plans to bring that dream to reality. 

Another example of a very realistic, clear-eyed person who had a dream, but who worked so hard to bring it to reality, is Karen Armstrong. In her 2008 TED talk, she spoke of the Golden Rule, which all the religious faiths of the world hold in common, and of her dream of founding a Charter for Compassion, which would bring people of all faiths together to work for a better world, founded on the principles of the Golden Rule. And she did...

The vision of the Charter for Compassion is "a transformed world where all life flourishes with compassion" and its mission is to "support the emerging global movement of compassion to co-create transformation at all levels, by connecting, cultivating, and encouraging networks of compassionate action."

According to their website, the rationale for the Charter for Compassion organisation is "connecting those who care", by promoting "empathy, peace, social justice, environmental sustainability, and intercultural understanding in a world riddled in turmoil. By encouraging compassionate action the Charter for Compassion aims to create compassionate communities where individuals can connect, collaborate, and support each other in their efforts to create a more compassionate world. These communities foster a sense of belonging and provide platforms for sharing ideas, resources, and initiatives related to compassion."

I believe that the world needs both dreamers and realists, who may be one and the same person. When dreams and plans come together, the results can be wonderful.