Embracing Life

 This week's quote advises us to "Live your life with arms wide open!"

Which sounds both attractive and vulnerable, both at the same time. Small children live this way, because they do not have any negative experiences to close them back up. But soon enough, sadly, most of us will experience unkindness, or worse, from other people, and will begin to armour up to protect ourselves. Why would we choose to live with our arms wide open, if it means getting hurt?

To which the answer is, it is important to take the risk, if we want to live authentically. We have to be brave enough to take off the masks which protect us and show our true selves to the world. The mask of competence, the mask of "Everything's fine", the mask of "I can make it alone", the mask of "I don't need anything (or anyone)."

This is something I have only learned in the past 15 years. Until then, I had spent most of my life hiding behind those masks, because the thought of sharing my needs for empathy, companionship and help was terrifying. But taking that step, opening my arms wide, choosing to show my vulnerable self to the world, has been a vital one on the journey towards my true self, my life in God. Slowly, slowly, I have learned to peep out from behind my mask, and to trust other people with my vulnerability. I'm doing it now, by sharing this with you.... My journey is by no means over yet, but recognising that behind that mask is my true self helps me to continue to be brave enough to be vulnerable. To trust.

Part of the journey has been about reclaiming a childlike trust in life. For me, being childlike means being open and vulnerable, trusting and curious, rather than closed down, armoured up, mistrustful and cynical. It is a courageous way to live because it means that we are more vulnerable to being hurt by others. And when we have been hurt in the past (and who hasn't?) it may be difficult for us to trust others again, to trust that the universe is not (all appearances to the contrary, sometimes) "out to get us". 

I have come to understand that faith and trust are facets of our deepest nature. But as life goes on, and we encounter betrayal in our lives - as we surely will - that faith and trust can be eroded. It can take a lifetime to choose to be sufficiently vulnerable to dare to trust again. To open our arms again. These betrayals, which sadly seem to be an inevitable part of life, need not be great ones which bring our whole world crashing down around us. Any time someone lies to us, even a white lie, or doesn't turn up when they said they would, or is unkind to us, we can feel betrayed. Once we feel that way, it can take a lot of time to build up sufficient faith to make the world seem trustable again. It can even shake our faith in the essential goodness of humankind.

Living authentically, embracing life, is about saying "Yes" rather than "No". I love the Quaker Advice which I first came across in my late twenties: "Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak." 

"Let your life speak." Yes. I have rarely regretted following it, even if it does often make me feel vulnerable. I would far rather dare and fail, live with my arms wide open, than not dare at all.