What Ifs and If Onlys

Today's Thought for Today, which arrives in my inbox each morning, concluded with the following wise advice: "the key to mental serenity is to steer your attention away from the whirlpool or 'what ifs' and focus on the 'what is'."

The post suggested that we can attain this serene state through meditation / mindfulness. For some of us, this may mean formal silent meditation, seated on a mat and following one's breath. For others of us (perhaps more of us) mental serenity may be found in nature. The photo above is of a sunset on Arnside in the Lake District, and I only have to gaze at it for a while to feel at peace. It is even better to be out in nature, of course - a walk up into the Forest or round the fields soon brings me back into mental balance. 

However, it is not necessary to get outside to achieve mental serenity. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was printed in an old Inquirer article. I cannot remember who the author was, but I have never forgotten the advice. They suggested not rushing from one task to another, but to pause inbetween, taking a few deep breaths with your eyes closed. It is amazing how effective this is.

"What if?" and "If only" are two of the most toxic phrases in the English language, in my opinion. "What if?" keeps us in a state of constant anxiety, worrying about what *might* happen in the future. I'm not saying that it is not wise to be prepared (see the government's current advice) but that we try not to let our fears of the future wreck our enjoyment of the present. "If only" works in the other direction: if only I hadn't said / done that; if only this / that / the other hadn't happened. And, worst of all, "if only things could go back to the way they used to be" - generally a downright lie, idealising the past, usually to the detriment of new factors in our lives, ignoring how that idealised past was achieved by discrimination against and hatred of The Other.

Very many social media posts feed our anxieties and our fears. My Facebook feed is currently full of stories about women in their sixties (my age, what a coincidence!) who are losing their marbles or becoming "invisible". If you read on, you soon find that these are adverts recommending x supplement or y cosmetic. Gah.

If we can recognise this is happening, the solution can be surprisingly simple: put your phone away and take a few deep breaths, or go out for a walk. These are excellent ways of regaining perspective and balance.

And, breathe...