Letting Go (reprise)

Ajahn Chah, the Thai Buddhist monk, had some good advice for our times, "If you let go of something, you are a little happier. If you let go of a lot, you are a lot happier. If you let go completely, you are free.

And yes, I am aware of the benefits of letting go of my worries, my to-do lists, and so on. I blogged about it here some time ago. And still find that wonderful Lynn Ungar quote "Gone to the fields to be lovely, be back when I'm through with blooming" both inspirational and aspirational. In this glorious Spring weather we're having, I make a point of walking alone in Salcey Forest each morning, to re-centre my self and ready myself for the day.

But I'm not sure I'll ever attain the true Nirvana which Ajahn Chah is talking about. I'll never be able to "let go completely". And that's okay. Yet being aware of my predilection to get bogged down by "the small stuff" has helped me to let at least some of it go. My daily sitting practice and daily walk both help, but if I have a bad week, and start to feel that rather than waving, I am drowning (thank you, Stevie Smith) I have found two prayers in particular most helpful. One is very well-known; it is by St Teresa of Avila:

Today, may there be peace within.

May I trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

May I not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May I use those gifts that I have received,

and pass on the love that has been given to me.

May I be content knowing I am a child of God.

May this presence settle into my bones,

and allow my soul the freedom

to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

The other is by Pat Preece, a Unitarian worship leader from the south-east. It reads:

We are blessed to have the habit of prayer.

To know that we can pause.

We can take time to breathe and be still.

The whirlwind of thought

can slow and in that moment

we can loosen tensions

and anxiety.

In the woods of our lives

we can stand and see

the beauty of the trees - 

we can enjoy the shade of the leaves.

And when we have rested,

we can face the world again - 

strengthened in peace

and calm.

Amen

When I read either of these powerful prayers, I can feel my worries slipping away, and a sense of peace invading my soul. Letting go is hard, but it is surely a blessing.

It's Worth a Shot

This week's quotation, by Beverly Sills, really resonated with me. "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you will be lost if you don't try."

When I was a small girl, I loved the story of Robert the Bruce, holed up in a cave after losing several battles with the English. And watching a spider trying time and again to cross a gap to complete their web. Which encouraged him to try once more, and he went on to win... This is the entrance to the cave he was alleged to have been in...

The point of the story was, he didn't give up, even when the going was rough. And I have always found that heartening, when I have been tempted to give up, when I've tried to do something, and failed, often multiple times. A recent example was when I started to crochet the Persian tiles blanket which I'm just finishing. I *could not* get the hang of how to do clusters. I had looked at a book of crochet patterns... no joy. Six, seven times, and it still looked wrong. Eventually, I phoned a kind friend, and she patiently talked me through the process. Two months later, I've nearly finished it. And I'm thrilled that I persevered.

Okay, that is a trivial example. But I have never regretted giving something a try. Even if I have eventually abandoned whatever it is, at least I tried. If I had never tried, I do believe I would have been lost... because I would never have achieved anything. Failure is always disappointing, sometimes devastating, but I'd still rather try and fail, than not try at all.

Taking Time Out

Oh my goodness! This week's quotation, by Georg Christoph Lichtenberg,  really hit me where I live. "You should never have so much to do, that you never have time to reflect / meditate."

And I would guess that his words would resonate uneasily with many of us. It is very easy to be always on the go, always chasing the next item on the To Do list, and never taking time out to reflect, to meditate, to spend time with the Divine.

It is ironic that, the more we love our jobs, the more we see them as a vocation rather than a job, the less time we have just to do nothing. Do Nothing. Sit. Relax. Simply BE.

But it is vitally important to *make* that time. Because if we just carry on beavering away, not looking after ourselves, we will eventually burn out. And then wonder why...

Time for spiritual reflection, time out of our everyday lives, is such an important thing. It brings our lives back into balance, helps us to take a long, reflective look at the matters which are concerning us, and hopefully allows us to move back into our lives with lower stress levels.

I honestly believe that it doesn't matter what form this time out takes, so long as we have the Intention to step away completely. For me, a walk in the woods is a vital part of my life. As I walk, I notice God's creation all around me - the trees, the bushes, the wild flowers, the birds singing in the trees - so loud and present, but so difficult to spot! The photo below was a moment of grace - I really felt God's presence at that moment. And I try to spend 10 to 20 minutes in my bedroom, in front of my shrine, each morning, with my prayer beads.

 I know from experience that, if I lose the habit for a couple of weeks (which if I am honest, happens only too easily) I am more wound-up, more easily irritated, less relaxed, less able to give myself to others.

Our time out might be attending worship on a Sunday, or a Heart and Soul session in the week, or walking a labyrinth, or reading a spiritual / theological book and doing some quiet lectio divina. Or journalling. Or praying. Or yoga. It doesn't really matter, so long as we do it, preferably each day.

Our souls will love us for it.

Only You Can Do It?

This week's quotation is by Friedrich Nietzsche, "No-one can build the bridge on which you have to cross the river of life, no-one but you alone."

And yes, we are all responsible for our own lives, for our reactions and attitudes towards whatever and whoever we encounter. The ways in which we react and change (or stay the same) can have a profound effect on our journey through life. If we do not learn from our mistakes, do not grow and deepen our spiritual lives through our trials and joys, then our bridges across the river of life will be flimsy structures, and we will be liable to fall into the river and be swept away.

I think he is saying that the more we experience, the more we learn from those experiences, the more we are likely to grow as people, both mentally and spiritually; and the more we grow, the easier it will become to navigate our way through our lives. And we will have a firm foundation under our feet, with which to do so. Whereas if we don't learn and grow, we are liable to repeat the same mistakes; our bridges over the river of life will keep falling into disrepair, and we will keep falling through the gaps, and re-experiencing the same problems and griefs.

The bit I'm not so sure about it the "you alone" at the end of the quotation. Because although I agree that in the end, it is up to the individual to learn from their experiences etc etc, I believe that the vast majority of people do this thing called "life" better and more successfully, if we learn from others, if we do it in community. Speaking personally, I *know* I would not be the Sue Woolley I am today, had it not been for the generous, empathic, gentle input from family, friends and mentors along the way. I would have become mired in my sadness and loss, and been unable to climb out and move on.

Life is a journey best taken in company.

It's Okay to Feel Down

It's the first day of a new month, and we are still on lockdown for the foreseeable future.

And I have to admit, it's beginning to get to me. Yes, I know that I am in a very privileged position - I have a warm, safe house, I'm allowed outside to do the week's shopping, and to walk around the fields around my village. I share my home with my husband and son. And all my immediate family are well and safe.

So why am I feeling fed-up? Why am I yearning for a punch ball and a set of boxing gloves?

Perhaps it's the weather - I went for a walk this afternoon and got soaked.
Perhaps it's the fact that the photo that was supposed to go with this week's blogpost sat down in the middle of the road and refused to be transferred from my phone to my PC.
Perhaps it's because I haven't had a haircut for so long that *every* day is a Bad Hair Day.
Perhaps it's that I've been trying to contact someone and keep getting the engaged tone.
Perhaps it's because I'm stuck with my novel, and can't work out where to go next.

Perhaps I'm just feeling a bit Friday-ish.

Very small pin-pricks of irritation. But cumulatively, it feels like being thrashed with nettles.

I know that so many people have far better reasons than I to be fed-up, angry, depressed, anxious and so on. But feelings are not logical - they come when they will.

So I'm admitting it. And more, saying that it's perfectly okay to feel this way, even if we have "no good reason". Sometimes, life just feels like that. And the worst thing we can do is to soldier on, suck it up and pretend that everything is fine. Because that way lies breakdown, stomach ulcers and explosions, when all the pent-up feelings just have to come out.

So instead of an upbeat, loving, compassionate message this week, I'm sharing my feelings. And giving everyone else permission to share theirs too.

PS Having written this, and confessed, I feel so much better!