Wanting What We Don't Have

I believe that this week's quote, by 17th century French writer and moralist, Francois de la Rochefoucauld, is advice which, if taken by the world's governments, by all of us, would transform the world for the better. It reads, "Before you ardently desire something, you should check the happiness of the one who already owns it."

We seem to be driven by a base desire for wanting more - more of everything. I have blogged before about the wonderful concept of Enoughness - of recognising that (at least in the West) we already have more than enough of everything. As John Naish wrote, "There is no 'more'. We have to learn to live 'post-more'."

So why this seemingly bottomless desire to have what the other person has? Perhaps if we learned to pause, and to check "the happiness of the one who already owns it", we might realise that actually, they are not that much better off than we are. And, perhaps more importantly, if we only paid attention to what we already have, we would be far more content, far less acquisitive.

It's hard - we live in a world in which the advertising and marketing industries batter our minds ceaselessly - "You need this", "Your life will be incomplete without that", and, worst of all, the more subliminal, nasty message, "Everyone else is having a better time than you are." I am already weary of the wall-to-wall Christmas adverts on Channel 4 - painting a picture of the "perfect Christmas", which is ours for the getting, so long as we lay out our hard-earned cash on X, Y, and Z. Top of my "non-essentials" list this year is a cocktail-making machine (£100 off!!) and the ubiquitous Quooker. 

This year, our immediate family (me, my husband, my son and his partner, and my daughter and her partner) have decided to do a Secret Santa between us, and only get presents for the children. Which we've done in the wider Ellis family for years, thanks to the wisdom of my sister. Because Christmas is (or should be) about giving pleasure, rather than driving ourselves into debt to buy presents they don't really want for people we only see a couple of times a year. We are opting out of the Christmas rat race and concentrating on spending quality time together instead. Which I believe is far more conducive to long-term happiness than that cocktail maker.

On a national level, the "ardent desire" for something is driven by lust for power and land, and fear of the other. But wouldn't it be wonderful if governments said to themselves, "Are we really going to be happier if we destroy the lives of the people of this other nation? Should we stand back a little before jumping into the familiar pattern of violence, and really think about other ways we could improve the qualities of our own lives, here in our country?" 

Which I'm sure are questions which are never, ever asked. Sadly...

Chasing after Perfection

 Late 19th / early 20th century author, Christian Morgenstern wrote, "Everything beautiful creates a thirst for even more perfect beauty and perfection."

Here's the thing, Herr Morgenstern - no, it doesn't. At least, it doesn't in me. I think this attitude is one of the traps of our consumerist society - we are never content with what we have. We are always thirsting after "even more".

But it is possible to refuse the bait, to step off the roundabout, to be content with what we already have. Which is beauty in abundance, all around us. Even sitting here in my bedroom, confined with Covid, I can look out of the window and see the beautiful shape of the tree in our garden, silhouetted against a glorious blue sky.

And you know what? That is enough for me. It doesn't make me immediately long for different views, more beauty. I take it into my mind and heart and appreciate the beauty right in front of me.

I believe that perfectionism is an evil which never allows us to be content with the "enough" all around us. I'm a great believer in "good enoughism". I'll do my best (and I do have pretty high standards) BUT once I have done my best, I let it go and submit it, send it (whatever *it* might be) out into the world.

Appreciating what we have and not always striving after elusive perfection is a perfect (ha!) recipe for happiness and contentment. 

Working Together

Last week's quotation, by Friedensreich Hundertwasser, could not be more apposite: "Wenn einer allein traümt, ist es nur ein Traum. Wenn viele gemeinsam traümen, ist das der Anfang einer neuer Wirklichkeit."

Which being translated, means: "When one dreams alone, it is only a dream. When many dream together, it is the beginning of a new reality."

And this week, millions of protesters are gathering to support the Extinction Rebellion movement. So many people have been galvanised into action by the grim realisation that our planet is under threat. That our lives, and the lives of all living creatures and plants, are under threat. That it is almost too late to do anything about it. But that nevertheless, the effort has to be made.

Many Unitarians will be spending at least part of this week down in London to join the protests. I am so glad that we are a part of this, because we only have one planet. They are seeking to help people to understand that there are better ways to live, based on a lifestyle which Unitarian author John Naish calls "enoughness". 

Because at the moment we are a society of consumers, with our heads buried firmly in the sand. Natural resources such as gas and oil are running out and the biodiversity on which our planet depends for its health is at risk from the activities of humankind.

Extinction Rebellion has published a book called This is Not A Drill. In it, the authors write: "This is a crisis that requires radical system change on a scale never seen before."  They write: "The challenge we now face is extremely daunting. Because the problem, unfortunately, is not just the climate. The problem is ecology. The problem is the environment. The problem is biodiversity. The problem is capitalism. The problem is colonialsim. The problem is power. The problem is inequality. The problem is greed, and corruption, and money, and this tired, broken system. The problem is our complete and utter failure to imagine any meaningful alternative."

The book has some wonderful suggestions for ways in which every person can join the rebellion, by choosing sustainability over consumerism, by campaigning to *make* governments and industry understand what is at stake. 

This could be our last chance... let's work together to make it happen.

Discovering the Source

In the last couple of days, two memes by very different writers have been posted on Facebook. The first was by Richard Rohr, one of my favourite religious authors, who is a Franciscan monk, and Director of the Center for Action and Contemplation:

"Love is the source and goal; faith is the slow process of getting there; hope is the willingness to move forward without resolution."

(image: Center for Action & Contemplation, shared by Contemplative Monk)

The other was by Geneen Roth, whose books about women's relationships with their bodies have had a huge impact on me, particularly Women, Food and God, which taught me to love my body, rather than hating her. She wrote: 

"You already have everything you need to be content. Your real work is to do whatever it takes to realize that."

(image: Geneen Roth)

It strikes me that they are both talking about the same thing. For me, the recognition that God is Love, and that my whole life should be about growing into a more loving relationship with Him/Her - both source and goal, is a life-changing revelation. 

Having faith is the realization that God *already* loves me, just the way I am - I already have "everything you need to be content". My "real work" will be to be aware of this every day, so that I can grow closer to God, and grow into the sort of person who walks lovingly through life, cherishing that of God in everyone, and in the the natural world..

It will take a lifetime, but now I know where I'm going.

Enough Already

You know how it sometimes happens: you receive a certain message / hear a certain idea. It can be from a Facebook post, a talk, an article, an address And once you have heard / read it, once it has squirreled its way into your consciousness, every other thing you hear or read seems to chime in to back it up or elaborate on it. Some may call it synchronicity, but I'm not so sure.

And it has happened to me this week, with the concept of Enoughness. At our District Annual General Meeting at Shrewsbury last Saturday, our Guest Speaker was Brighton Unitarian John Naish, author of a marvellous book called Enough: Breaking Free From The World Of Excess. In his entertaining and inspirational talk, John preached the doctrine of "practising enoughness in a world of more, more, more." He explained that instead of forever chasing after the next goal, the next project, the next gadget, we should appreciate what we have and be grateful. And that we should grow our gratitude by appreciating our bounty.

John commented that "gratitude is one of the select number of things in life for which we cannot actually get enough". Another is spiritual commitment. He argued that we needed to take the time to go deep spiritually, rather than skating over the surface, always trying out the next spiritual practice that promised peace and contentment. He illustrated this by joking: "There would have been little opportunity in 2nd century Nepal to say, 'Buddhism? Yeah, I've been exploring that. Really great, inspirational stuff. But then I wanted to try 'Shamanic Whirling', and both those classes are on a Wednesday evening, so ..."

He argued that spiritual exploration only bears fruit if we commit to certain practices, and stick with them. And he concluded by saying that "For me, and for many of you, I trust, Unitarianism has provided a central thread, a community, a tradition, and a discipline from within which we can explore the spiritual wisdom of all the world and of all time, in order to develop our own ideas, build our own faith, nurture our consciences, and set our moral compasses. ... Unitarianism is enough. ... So keep the faith. Keep fast to the heart of your Unitarian practice. For faith is something that sustains us. And it is something which, surely, we can never have enough."

Once that note had been struck, on the Saturday, it has continued to sound over and over again during this week. Enoughness is about knowing when you have enough and then being content, whether you are talking about food, or information, or entertainment or work. Enoughness is good. Except for those spiritual "never-enoughs" which John talked about, such as gratitude and commitment and love.