Be Yourself

 This week's quote reads, "In a world where you can be anything... be yourself!"

I have blogged before about the importance of this, here. And am unapologetic about repeating part of that post, Brené Brown's definition of authenticity:

"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means:

* cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable

*exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle

* nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough."

Which is the key to being yourself, in my opinion. It is also the work of a lifetime. Most of us will fall short of this ideal, for much of our lives. Because it is such a brave path to follow. It means that we no longer care about fitting in, being perfect. Being our genuine, real selves is what matters. It means living in consonance with our values and daring to take a stand on the things which matter to us, regardless of whether it will make us unpopular, get us into trouble.

The part of this week's quote that I struggle with is, "In a world where you can be anything". Because honestly, does anyone actually have the freedom to "be anything"? It may be true of a few brave souls, who fight against the restrictions imposed upon them by society, and come through triumphantly, leading the way for the rest of us. But most of us find it very difficult to resist those restrictions, and will choose instead to settle for what is a) possible and b) achievable without making ourselves social outcasts.

What we all can do, however, is to choose to support the brave few as they walk their lonely path. Who knows, our support may make all the difference and, if we are steadfast, it may make us brave enough to follow them, to stand up and become our own true selves.

What I am clear about is, the attempt must be made. Living authentically, living up to our values, is vitally important in today's society, where all kinds of minorities are persecuted, and where the actions of powerful, corrupt leaders have a huge negative impact on our world. We must stand up for what we believe in, and take the consequences. Perhaps that is what being yourself means, after all.

Should We Ever Admit Defeat?

 This week's quote reads, "You are only defeated when you admit defeat."

And my first reaction was, 'Hell, yes. Fight to the bitter end.' But then I thought some more, and realised that this is only true for the things which really matter - values, the defence of loved ones, important stuff... We should never admit defeat in our striving for a better world, for everyone, not only people but all the other inhabitants of our imperilled blue-green planet. We should continue to fight for equality, for peace, for an end to poverty and hunger and pollution and war. We should never admit defeat. 

But often, we carry on fighting, carry on trying, to achieve things which don't really matter - the ideal weight, popularity, the perfect anything. Because perfection is not attainable, at least, not in this world. And we are wasting our finite resources of time and energy and motivation if we set our teeth and keep on fighting to reach these unattainable goals. And beating ourselves up in consequence, when we fail. Again.

I honestly believe that is is better to settle for "good enough" in many cases. To do our best, but then be content. Which will sometimes mean coming to terms with unwelcome truths (for example, in my case, you will never weigh the same as you did in your twenties) and instead moving the goal posts, so that you have a new and achievable aim, which can be met without killing yourself. So in this particular example, my new 'win', my new victory, is to eat healthily, do sufficient exercise to keep my body fit, and stop comparing myself with anyone else. Because my body is absolutely good enough, and deserves cosseting and caring for, rather than depriving and shaming.

It can be hard to step back from the fight, to realise that perfection is not attainable, and, most importantly, that it very often Doesn't Matter. That we would be so much happier, so much more content, if we appreciated our small victories and stopped shooting for the moon.

I'm not saying we should not aim high - of course we should. But we should not beat ourselves up if we do not attain perfection. Another example: it was the annual competition of my local writing group yesterday afternoon, and each of us read our stories aloud, which were then marked out of ten by everyone else. Then, at the end, the numbers were collated, and the three winners announced. I was a little disappointed not to be placed, but happy that the three stories I had judged "best" came first, second, and third.

On the way home, I consciously told myself that it was okay not to have won; that I had written the best story I could, I had turned up and taken part, and that was enough. I admitted defeat, let it go. And am much more content in consequence.