Dreams of Freedom

 This week's quote reads, "Tame birds dream of freedom, wild birds fly."

Which I think has a certain amount of truth in it, but also ignores the fact that sometimes, being behind bars (as symbolised by the tame birds) is not always (or even, perhaps, often) a matter of choice or custom, but a matter of unforgiving and unrelenting circumstance, outside our control.

There are two types of freedom: Freedom From and Freedom To. So, freedom from constraints, oppression, pain, for example. Freedom to believe and do what we like. Neither of which are available to us, all (or even much) of the time. 

How many of us can say, hand on heart, that we are truly free? I would guess that the lives of most of us are constrained in some way, at least some of the time - by not being allowed / able to do what we want to (constraints); by being picked on (or worse) by others because we do not fit in with some mythical "norm" (oppression); by our bodies letting us down or wearing out (pain). All these things limit our freedom.

And even fewer of us are free to do what we like, and not do what we don't like. There may be laws against it, or society frowns on it, or we have to spend a large proportion of our time doing things we need to do (like earning enough money to cover our costs of living or caring for our loved ones), or we simply do not have the time and energy to do it (whatever it is). To give one example, over the last few weeks, while I was poorly, I was signed off work and so in theory was free to do whatever I liked. But because I was ill, I was constrained by the limits of what my body could do.

Perhaps the only true freedom is that which resides inside our heads. We are free to choose what we believe about our lives, about God, about other people; and free to choose how we respond to those aforementioned unforgiving and unrelenting circumstances. Which may make all the difference to our happiness - I love the Serenity Prayer, by the Protestant theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, the first part of which reads:

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace."

If we can attain (and then hold onto) that mindset, we will be truly free, in all the ways that matter.

Letting Go (reprise)

Ajahn Chah, the Thai Buddhist monk, had some good advice for our times, "If you let go of something, you are a little happier. If you let go of a lot, you are a lot happier. If you let go completely, you are free.

And yes, I am aware of the benefits of letting go of my worries, my to-do lists, and so on. I blogged about it here some time ago. And still find that wonderful Lynn Ungar quote "Gone to the fields to be lovely, be back when I'm through with blooming" both inspirational and aspirational. In this glorious Spring weather we're having, I make a point of walking alone in Salcey Forest each morning, to re-centre my self and ready myself for the day.

But I'm not sure I'll ever attain the true Nirvana which Ajahn Chah is talking about. I'll never be able to "let go completely". And that's okay. Yet being aware of my predilection to get bogged down by "the small stuff" has helped me to let at least some of it go. My daily sitting practice and daily walk both help, but if I have a bad week, and start to feel that rather than waving, I am drowning (thank you, Stevie Smith) I have found two prayers in particular most helpful. One is very well-known; it is by St Teresa of Avila:

Today, may there be peace within.

May I trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

May I not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May I use those gifts that I have received,

and pass on the love that has been given to me.

May I be content knowing I am a child of God.

May this presence settle into my bones,

and allow my soul the freedom

to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

The other is by Pat Preece, a Unitarian worship leader from the south-east. It reads:

We are blessed to have the habit of prayer.

To know that we can pause.

We can take time to breathe and be still.

The whirlwind of thought

can slow and in that moment

we can loosen tensions

and anxiety.

In the woods of our lives

we can stand and see

the beauty of the trees - 

we can enjoy the shade of the leaves.

And when we have rested,

we can face the world again - 

strengthened in peace

and calm.

Amen

When I read either of these powerful prayers, I can feel my worries slipping away, and a sense of peace invading my soul. Letting go is hard, but it is surely a blessing.

Living With Imperfection

For much of my life, I have been a very judgemental person, summing up people and situations almost instantly. I admit it, I have very often been wrong. And one of the people I have been most wrong about (because most harsh and judgemental about) is myself.

I love the words of Francis de Sales: "When it comes to being gentle, start with yourself. Don't get upset with your imperfections ... It's a great mistake - because it leads nowhere - to get angry because you are angry, upset at being upset, disappointed because you are disappointed. ... You cannot correct a mistake by repeating it."

"It is a great mistake, because it leads nowhere. ... You cannot correct a mistake by repeating it." Oh.

The first time I read those words, a few months ago, I was working through a period of fierce self-hatred. There were issues in my life that I wasn't happy with - which have since, I am glad to say, been largely resolved - and I hated myself for how I was reacting to the situation.

So I read those words of Francis de Sales, and realised that all I was doing was to pile up anger on top of anger, upset on top of upset, and disappointment on top of disappointment, rather than trying to gently, rationally, explore how *not to* repeat my mistakes. And learning how, instead, to move on, and heal, and heal others.

I also came across a quote by the Buddha the other day, which illustrates this very nicely: "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Just roll that around in your mind for a moment, and consider the implications of it. It means that when we feel negative emotions and let them eat us up inside (because this is not only true of anger) it is WE who are suffering, not the person against whom they are directed.

So I am practicing accepting negative stuff as part of life, and trying to just move on, sailing down the river of Life like a serene swan, unflurried by the occasional ripple. It isn't easy, but golly, it's a lot more peaceful, and I feel a lot better inside myself.