Interruptions Welcome

This week's quote reads, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." 

And I had to laugh, if a bit ruefully. I used to be a fairly uptight, perfectionist, person, making plans for every aspect of my day, easily upset if something happened to de-rail them. Which has happened just this minute: I have taken a photo of the postcard on my phone and e-mailed it to myself, so that I can include it in this post. But it hasn't come through, and unless it does so in the next half-hour or so, this post will be without an illustration.

A few years ago, this would have caused me to gnash my teeth, get annoyed. But now I thought, oh well, never mind. Worse things happen at sea (to coin a cliché). The skies will not fall if this post does not have an illustration, far from it. How many people read my blogposts anyway?

During the past decade or so, mainly thanks to the wonderful Brené Brown, and her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, I have learned to become a recovering perfectionist, much more able to let my precious plans go, and enjoy what comes up instead. It is a much richer, more rewarding way to live. I know I have posted about this fairly recently, here, and laughed out loud when I discovered the post under the tag 'perfectionsim'. And feel no inclination to edit the post and correct the typo. Which is surely progress?

Because, as I said in that post, "life is messy, chaotic, unpredictable, and we cannot dictate how it will turn out. The one thing we can predict with some certainty is that it will not be perfect. No-one's life is perfect. And so the important thing to realise is that settling for "good enough" will ensure that in the long run, we are far happier than we would be if we were constantly yearning for the 'perfect' life."

I also believe that if we are too fixated on our precious plans, we can miss many spontaneous joys. For example, if my DH and I go on holiday, we have a general idea of some places we would like to visit, but are happy to play it by ear and go with the weather, go with the flow. Which has resulted in some gorgeous, unexpected events. Like bumping into Will Kirk of The Repair Shop at the Weald and Downland Museum a few weeks ago - he was charming.

Life is much more enjoyable when we allow a little spontaneity into it, plans or no plans... Interruptions welcome.

Should We Ever Admit Defeat?

 This week's quote reads, "You are only defeated when you admit defeat."

And my first reaction was, 'Hell, yes. Fight to the bitter end.' But then I thought some more, and realised that this is only true for the things which really matter - values, the defence of loved ones, important stuff... We should never admit defeat in our striving for a better world, for everyone, not only people but all the other inhabitants of our imperilled blue-green planet. We should continue to fight for equality, for peace, for an end to poverty and hunger and pollution and war. We should never admit defeat. 

But often, we carry on fighting, carry on trying, to achieve things which don't really matter - the ideal weight, popularity, the perfect anything. Because perfection is not attainable, at least, not in this world. And we are wasting our finite resources of time and energy and motivation if we set our teeth and keep on fighting to reach these unattainable goals. And beating ourselves up in consequence, when we fail. Again.

I honestly believe that is is better to settle for "good enough" in many cases. To do our best, but then be content. Which will sometimes mean coming to terms with unwelcome truths (for example, in my case, you will never weigh the same as you did in your twenties) and instead moving the goal posts, so that you have a new and achievable aim, which can be met without killing yourself. So in this particular example, my new 'win', my new victory, is to eat healthily, do sufficient exercise to keep my body fit, and stop comparing myself with anyone else. Because my body is absolutely good enough, and deserves cosseting and caring for, rather than depriving and shaming.

It can be hard to step back from the fight, to realise that perfection is not attainable, and, most importantly, that it very often Doesn't Matter. That we would be so much happier, so much more content, if we appreciated our small victories and stopped shooting for the moon.

I'm not saying we should not aim high - of course we should. But we should not beat ourselves up if we do not attain perfection. Another example: it was the annual competition of my local writing group yesterday afternoon, and each of us read our stories aloud, which were then marked out of ten by everyone else. Then, at the end, the numbers were collated, and the three winners announced. I was a little disappointed not to be placed, but happy that the three stories I had judged "best" came first, second, and third.

On the way home, I consciously told myself that it was okay not to have won; that I had written the best story I could, I had turned up and taken part, and that was enough. I admitted defeat, let it go. And am much more content in consequence.