Happy is Better than Perfect

 This week's quote reads, "I don't want a perfect life. I want a happy life." Me too.

I mean... don't we all? Yet life is messy, chaotic, unpredictable, and we cannot dictate how it will turn out. The one thing we can predict with some certainty is that it will not be perfect. No-one's life is perfect. And so the important thing to realise is that settling for "good enough" will ensure that in the long run, we are far happier than we would be if we were constantly yearning for the "perfect" life.

Perfection is illusive. And elusive. Perfectionism is also what Brené Brown calls "the twenty ton shield" as we struggle for it without ever attaining it. I have blogged about this here. 

I think that the surest path to a happy life is to be content with less-than-perfect. To appreciate the small joys of our daily lives and notice them as they happen. Even when we feel overwhelmed and stressed, it is possible to find small moments of happiness in our day to day lives, if we are sufficiently awake and aware. I try to go for a walk most days and it never fails to lift my spirits to be outside in the natural world. There is always something new and beautiful to notice, even on the greyest day. And when I have finished my day's work, and settle down in my armchair to do some stitching or crochet, I try to remember to notice how lucky I am to have a warm home, enough money, and crafts which absorb me.

I am grateful for my happy life. It is not perfect, but it is absolutely good enough. And so, I am happy.

Finding True Rest and Peace

 In this frantic century of ours, it can be difficult to find true rest and peace. Ferdinando Galliani, the 18th century Italian economist, who was also a leading figure of the Enlightenment, once wrote, "True peace can only lie in the truth."

Perhaps he means that we can only be at peace when we allow ourselves to be our truest, most authentic selves. When we are not trying to put on a show, put our "best face forward" and hide what we are really feeling. As though it is not allowed for us to feel tired, edgy, out-of-sorts.

Brené Brown has this to say about perfectionism: "Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimise or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame. It's a shield.... Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance... Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect."

I am a recovering perfectionist and a striving good-enougher. I have come to understand that perfectionism is exhausting and debilitating, and that good enough really *is* good enough, 99.99% of the time. If I had not learned this lesson, by trying and failing, and learning to receive feedback without falling apart, I would not have become a published author, for example. I would not have dared to submit anything less than a perfect MS to any publisher. 

Authenticity matters. Being our true selves matters. Letting go of what other people think matters. To quote Brené Brown again, 

"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means

    * cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable

    * exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle

    * nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough."

Ever since I discovered her book, The Gifts of Imperfection,  more than a decade ago, I have done my best to live authentically. It ain't easy, but oh my goodness, it has made me feel so much more whole. So much more at home in my skin. As Galliani says, "True peace can only lie in the truth."