Only You Can Do It?

This week's quotation is by Friedrich Nietzsche, "No-one can build the bridge on which you have to cross the river of life, no-one but you alone."

And yes, we are all responsible for our own lives, for our reactions and attitudes towards whatever and whoever we encounter. The ways in which we react and change (or stay the same) can have a profound effect on our journey through life. If we do not learn from our mistakes, do not grow and deepen our spiritual lives through our trials and joys, then our bridges across the river of life will be flimsy structures, and we will be liable to fall into the river and be swept away.

I think he is saying that the more we experience, the more we learn from those experiences, the more we are likely to grow as people, both mentally and spiritually; and the more we grow, the easier it will become to navigate our way through our lives. And we will have a firm foundation under our feet, with which to do so. Whereas if we don't learn and grow, we are liable to repeat the same mistakes; our bridges over the river of life will keep falling into disrepair, and we will keep falling through the gaps, and re-experiencing the same problems and griefs.

The bit I'm not so sure about it the "you alone" at the end of the quotation. Because although I agree that in the end, it is up to the individual to learn from their experiences etc etc, I believe that the vast majority of people do this thing called "life" better and more successfully, if we learn from others, if we do it in community. Speaking personally, I *know* I would not be the Sue Woolley I am today, had it not been for the generous, empathic, gentle input from family, friends and mentors along the way. I would have become mired in my sadness and loss, and been unable to climb out and move on.

Life is a journey best taken in company.

Nurturing the Roots

"The wise person nurtures the root, because if it thrives well, virtue will grow from it." This week's quotation by Lao Tse could be interpreted in so many ways, on so many levels...

First of all, literally, in terms of nurturing trees. Every tree that grows takes in carbon dioxide, thus removing it from the atmosphere, which helps to combat climate change. The environmentalist pressure group, Friends of the Earth, currently has a campaign to double the amount of tree cover in the United Kingdom, currently languishing at 13%, in comparison to a European Union average of 35%. They say on their website that "we believe one of the best solutions to protect our environment and achieve net zero emissions (removing as many emissions as we produce) is to double UK forest."

But of course the idea of nurturing roots can also be applied to individual human beings, and to groups of human beings who come together to form communities.

Individuals need solid roots (a safe and happy home, a loving family and a solid moral and ethical grounding) if they are to grow into wise, virtuous human beings. If one or more of these elements is missing, it will be that much harder for the person to grow up grounded and able to nurture others in their turn. Of course, it is far from impossible, many people overcome all kinds of deprivation and thrive in spite of them, but those growing up with solid roots will, perhaps paradoxically, find it easier to step out on their own as grounded adults.

image: flickr

When an individual joins a Unitarian congregation, they are becoming a member of a wider beloved community, that of the Unitarian movement. At their best, Unitarian congregations provide a safe haven for individuals wanting to explore what gives their lives purpose and meaning.

I know that my next statement will be controversial: I believe that if Unitarian congregations wish to provide such a safe haven, they need to work out some basic statement of how they intend to "be in community" - a covenant statement, perhaps. , like that of the Unitarian Universalist Association. One of the pages of their Tapestry of Faith learning scheme says: 

"The free church tradition of which we are a part does not offer up a creed, a certain set of beliefs, that everyone must accept in order to belong to the community. Instead, the boundaries of our community are determined by commitment and participation. Our central question is not 'What do we believe?' but rather 'What values will we uphold and how will we do this together?' Our covenant, the promises we make to each other in regarding how we will be a community of faith, is at the heart of what it means to be Unitarian Universalist."

Maybe British Unitarians should do the same, so that our members and prospective members have some place to root their belonging, and thrive....

The core of life

What is the core of life?

This week's quotation is by Oscar Wilde. Unfortunately, I have been unable to find an English version of it, to compare with the translation. And my German is not wonderful. And I'm not sure I agree with the Google translator. So I offer you two versions of this German phrase: "Im Wachstum liegt des Denkens und des Lebens Kern."

Which Google thinks, means, "Growth is the thinking and the life of the core."
I think it may mean. "In growth lies the core of thought and life."

Either way, I think it's saying that without thinking deeply and living wholeheartedly, we will not grow as people. It is so easy to skate along the surface of our lives, not going deep, being involved purely with exterior matters. But going deep hurts. It means facing those parts of ourselves which we have hidden for years, maybe decades, and coming to terms with what we find there. It is the only way to grow, spiritually.

And it's about letting go of the need for the approval, the approbation of others. When we go deep, when we live from the core of our lives, we will find the courage to stand up for what we believe, rather than going along with what others believe, for the sake of fitting in. And living from our core also means letting go of comparing ourselves with others, because we, just as we are, are enough.

It's also about compassion, about walking a mile in the other person's shoes, realising that they, too, have a unique, precious life at their core. Deep may talk to deep, seeing past the shallow façades we present to the world. Allowing our vulnerabilities to show, because that is the truest way to live. Living from our hearts, not our heads.

Karen Armstrong writes, in The Spiral Staircase, "The one and only test of a valid religious idea, doctrinal statement, spiritual experience, or devotional practice was that it must lead directly to practical compassion. If your understanding of the divine made you kinder, more empathetic, and impelled you to express this sympathy in concrete acts of loving-kindness, this was good theology. But if your notion of God made you unkind, belligerent, cruel, or self-righteous, or if it led you to kill in God's name, it was bad theology."

Compassion enables us to grow spiritually, to live our lives from our cores.

Taking It As It Comes

Each day is a new day, an opportunity for growth. As it says in Rumi's wonderful poem, The Guesthouse,  "This being human is a guesthouse, Every morning a new arrival." And this is so true.

Yesterday was a good example. In the morning, I conducted a funeral - it went very well, and the family were happy with what I had done. One of the congregation made a complimentary remark about my voice, and I felt very happy.

Then I got home to find that a book I had been working on for the past eighteen months had been turned down by the publisher. The e-mail was kind and regretful, and contained some good advice, but the feelings of hurt and rejection were real.

So I have to find a balance. I have to learn to embrace each "new arrival" - to celebrate the good, and to learn from the bad, so that I can grow. I am truly grateful for all the good things in my life - family, friends, my work as a minister, the beauties of nature around me, and need to learn to be likewise grateful for any setbacks, so that I can learn from my mistakes, and maybe, one day, produce a piece of work that is worthy of publication.

May it be so.