Living Like A Tree

Nazim Hikmet wrote, "Living like a tree, single and free, but fraternally like a forest, that is our longing."

Trees, it seems, have found the right balance between solitude and community. Each is splendidly alone, but also together in community. In these days of social distancing, with new lockdowns being announced in the North of England, it is a mind-set we would do well to adopt. Human beings are social creatures, and the solitude of the last few months has been difficult for many (to say the least). "Meeting" via Zoom or Skype or FaceTime is good, but it is no substitute for face-to-face interaction.

I have just spent three wonderful days with a dear friend. We have kept our distance, only sharing two hugs immediately after morning showers. But we sat at opposite corners of her living room and talked and laughed and were together. It made me realise how much I have missed face-to-face friendships.

Yet being alone is not the same as being lonely. Or it need not be. I have blogged about it here and here. To carry on the tree analogy, when we are alone, we can draw nourishment from the roots of our being, from books and meditation and time alone. When we are with others, we can appreciate the splendour of being in community, of sharing the sunlight of good conversation. Both are important, both can nourish our lives.

Only You Can Do It?

This week's quotation is by Friedrich Nietzsche, "No-one can build the bridge on which you have to cross the river of life, no-one but you alone."

And yes, we are all responsible for our own lives, for our reactions and attitudes towards whatever and whoever we encounter. The ways in which we react and change (or stay the same) can have a profound effect on our journey through life. If we do not learn from our mistakes, do not grow and deepen our spiritual lives through our trials and joys, then our bridges across the river of life will be flimsy structures, and we will be liable to fall into the river and be swept away.

I think he is saying that the more we experience, the more we learn from those experiences, the more we are likely to grow as people, both mentally and spiritually; and the more we grow, the easier it will become to navigate our way through our lives. And we will have a firm foundation under our feet, with which to do so. Whereas if we don't learn and grow, we are liable to repeat the same mistakes; our bridges over the river of life will keep falling into disrepair, and we will keep falling through the gaps, and re-experiencing the same problems and griefs.

The bit I'm not so sure about it the "you alone" at the end of the quotation. Because although I agree that in the end, it is up to the individual to learn from their experiences etc etc, I believe that the vast majority of people do this thing called "life" better and more successfully, if we learn from others, if we do it in community. Speaking personally, I *know* I would not be the Sue Woolley I am today, had it not been for the generous, empathic, gentle input from family, friends and mentors along the way. I would have become mired in my sadness and loss, and been unable to climb out and move on.

Life is a journey best taken in company.

Flowers are Nature's Laughter

Such a gorgeous quotation this week, by the poet James Henry Leigh Hunt: "Colours are the smiles of Nature, and flowers are her laughter." It was illustrated by a gorgeous photo of (I think) apple blossom...

In this time of fear and physical isolation, it has been lovely to go out for my daily allowed walk, and to see the beauties of Nature unfolding in front of my eyes. Just before we were confined to the village, my husband and I went for a walk at Castle Ashby and saw these two beautiful magnolias, which will now be blossoming unseen by any except the gardeners...

And just around our village, there are beautiful flowers blooming in the Spring sunshine, whether in the hedgerows...

or in neighbours' gardens, which have lifted my heart so much...

It seems as though Nature is putting on a show to keep us cheerful, and to help us to stick to the rules and stay at home and stay safe.

Flowers are Nature's laughter. Even reading that made me smile. Every time I see a flower blooming I will smile right back at it. I've noticed a new influx of nature photos on Facebook - it seems that other people have had the same idea. And some people have commented that my photos have cheered them up too.

This current situation is deeply scary. And it's okay to admit that we are scared. Nothing like this has happened on this scale for very many years. It helps me, when I remind myself how much worse it would be, if we didn't have so many other ways of communicating - by phone, by e-mail and through social media. Not to mention conference call virtual meetings, which many Unitarian churches and chapels are experimenting with. I am grateful for all the ingenious ways people are coming up with at keeping in touch with each other, and for the IT facilities which enable them.

I had some fun yesterday... I had my first Face Time piano lesson. My piano teacher and I each sat at our pianos, linked by our iPads, and it worked really well. She could see my fingers as I played, and hear what was happening. And I could see and hear her demonstrating how it *should* be done :)

And the idea of clapping the NHS was a fabulous one! I'll finish with a prayer, which I'm using in weekly online services for my District:

Spirit of Life and Love,
Be with us as we gather for worship,
each in their own place.
Help us to feel a sense of community,
even though we are physically apart.
Help us to care for each other,
in this difficult time,
keeping in touch however we can,
and helping each other,
however we may.
We hold in our hearts all those
whose lives have been touched,
in whatever way,
by the coronavirus and the fall-out from it.
Amen

Free Connection

I'm not sure whether the author of this week's quotation had Unitarians in mind when she wrote it, but it is so appropriate for us: "To be connected without being bound - that is the art of living." Karin E. Leiter.

Because for me, the ability to be connected to my Unitarian community without being bound by a doctrinal creed is what makes it special. We share the values of respecting freedom of belief, based on an individual's reason, conscience and lived experience, and do our level best to not only tolerate, but also accept and respect, the beliefs of others. even when we do not share them (so long as they do not harm any person or living thing).

The majority of faith traditions require their members to sign up to a particular set of beliefs. Unitarians (and Quakers) are different.

For example, Quaker Advice number 5 says (in part): "While respecting the experiences and opinions of others, do not be afraid to say what you have found and what you value. Appreciate that doubt and questioning can also lead to spiritual growth and to a greater awareness of the Light that is in us all."

But my favourite advice about connection without binding is number 17:

"Do you respect that of God in everyone though it may be expressed in unfamiliar ways or be difficult to discern? Each of us has a particular experience of God and each must find the way to be true to it. When words are strange or disturbing to you, try to sense where they come from and what has nourished the lives of others. Listen patiently and seek the truth which other people's opinions may contain for you. Avoid hurtful criticism and provocative language. Do not allow the strength of your convictions to betray you into making statements or allegations that are unfair or untrue. Think it possible that you may be mistaken."

For me, this is a very civilised approach to living. It is about respect, patience and empathy. Which is how we connect with one another on a deep level.

Kahlil Gibran also has some wise advice about how to connect without binding, when the Prophet speaks of marriage:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
for only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
for the pillars of the temple stand apart,
and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

When Virtual Becomes Real

Our little cat Luna has been very ill. It started last Saturday, when she was noticeably off her food, and quieter than usual. By Sunday, we were sufficiently concerned to take her to the vet, and again on the Monday. She was given antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, and we were told to keep an eye on her. My husband texted me on Wednesday morning to say that she was no better, so when I got home from my conference in the afternoon, I took her straight back to the vet, who admitted her as an in-patient. That night, she had a 3cm section of impacted bowel removed. Had it not been, she might not have survived. The next day, we went to visit, and she was like a different animal; and on Friday evening, I brought our little one home, well on the way to recovery.

She is currently sitting on top of the wardrobe in the spare room, no mean leap for a cat who is supposed to be "taking it easy". But it's one of her favourite spots, and I guess she wouldn't have done it if she had felt too sore.

During the whole sad time she was in hospital, and I was so worried that we were going to lose her, I have been unutterably moved by the warmth and caring of my community of Facebook friends, who have been commenting and sending love and sympathy for the last 48 hours or so.

I have noticed this before on Facebook - if anyone is in trouble, or in grief, or anxious, or worried, friends *do* rally round, offering words of sympathy and comfort, and warm virtual hugs. And it really does help.

The feeling of connection is very real. I know that it is fashionable to say that the social media and mobile phones between them have ruined genuine communication between people. There are endless images of people standing or sitting "together" with their heads down and their thumbs busy, texting away, and not noticing the world and the people right next to them.

BUT this is the other side of it. And I am very grateful. And moved. And feeling blessed.

Holistic Spirituality

Yesterday, over on my other blog,  Heart and Mind Together, I was musing about the nature of Unitarian communities. And when the link was posted on Facebook, someone asked me in what sense I was using the word "holistic" in relation to Unitarian communities.

I was blown away by the response from a friend of a friend, Stasa Morgan-Appel, who is a Priestess and Witch and Quaker, who commented that for her, "Holistic / wholistic spirituality is one where I can bring my whole self - body, mind, will, emotions, words, silences, knowledge, ignorance - where I don't have to check some part of myself, some part of my relationship with That Which Is, at the door."

I really don't think that this definition can be improved on. It also describes Unitarian communities at their best, at their most inclusive and welcoming. Being a community that believes in holistic spirituality should mean that we accept people exactly as they are, and don't try to fit them (or ask them to fit themselves) into any pre-existing mould. I wonder how often this happens, in practice, if the person walking through the door is "different" in some way, from the mainly white, mainly middle-class, mainly educated folk in the average Unitarian congregation? I wonder ...

Quaker Invitation

On Monday, I conducted a funeral for a Unitarian friend at the Quaker Meeting House in Northampton, because our Unitarian premises aren't big enough for rites of passage. When I booked the room, a couple of weeks ago, I found the beautiful invitation below on the home page of the Northamptonshire Quakers website:

"We hope you find here something that is right for you and what you need right now to help you on your spiritual journey and in your daily life
If you are wondering what God may be,
Looking for a purpose in life
Craving company, or seeking solitude,
Come to our Meeting for Worship!
We shall not ask you to speak or sing,
We shall not ask you what you believe,
We shall simply offer you our friendship,
And a chance to sit quietly and think,
And perhaps somebody will speak,
And perhaps somebody will read,
And perhaps somebody will pray,
And perhaps you will find here
That which you are seeking...
We are not saints,
We are not cranks,
We are not different ...

Except that we believe
That God's light is in us all,
Waiting to be discovered."

Apart from the bit about not being asked to sing, I would love to use this welcome on a Unitarian website. We too offer our friendship to those seeking a purpose in life, and do not require them to believe certain things in order to join us in worship. And I personally definitely believe that there is that of God in everyone "waiting to be discovered", although I know that some Unitarians would not agree with me!