The Difference between Liking and Loving

I cannot remember which wise person said that it is not possible to like everybody, but you should try to love everybody. But I have never forgotten it.

I found a fascinating article, by Anita Oge, here. It lists eleven ways in which liking differs from loving. They are: the depth of the connection; commitment and sacrifice; the time factor; fear and vulnerability; the intensity of the emotion; the quality of time; acceptance and understanding; effort and consistency; need vs choice; memory and longevity; and in love, there is compromise. It is well worth a read.

Liking someone is more superficial - it's about having things in common, being attracted to someone for their personality, enjoying their conversation, sharing experiences with them. Conversely, disliking someone is about elements of their personality rubbing you up the wrong way, or you disagree with their opinions - the list of reasons for liking or disliking someone is endless, and each reason usually begins (however unconsciously) in judgement, for or against.

Loving someone is far deeper, far less conditional. It involves time and trust and commitment; a willingness to be vulnerable; and an acceptance of the whole person, 'warts and all'. Jesus famously told us, in his Sermon on the Mount in The Gospel of Matthew "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?"

Possibly the hardest advice to hear (or read) in these troubled times. Because yes, he is talking about our enemies - the politicians and warmongers who are wreaking havoc on our world; the fat-cat industrialists who are despoiling our planet for their own profit. That friend or family member who annoys the hell out of you by their behaviour. They, too, are children of God.

I don't think loving someone involves lying down and letting them walk all over you. But it does involve a principled commitment to compassion - trying to walk a mile in their shoes, so that you can begin to understand where they are coming from. For me, it is the true Way of the Cross that Christians talk about.

Love Opens Doors

Rabindranath Tagore, the Bengali poet and short-story writer (among other talents) wrote, "Whoever does good, knocks on the door; whoever loves, finds it open."

As we all hunker down to live our new lives under COVID-19, I have been encouraged and uplifted by the amount of good deeds and loving that is going on in the world, in my neighbourhood and in my country.

To be sure, there are still some selfish people, who are operating from places of scarcity and fear, who are hoarding toilet rolls and pasta, in deep fear of an almost entirely fictitious Armageddon. But most of the people I know, both online and in person, are taking a far more pragmatic, and un-selfish approach to life. Unitarian ministers and lay worship leaders / congregation leaders are producing online resources to share with their congregations, coming up with ingenious ways to keep in touch with them while the physical distancing rules are in force, and generally trying to do their best in very difficult circumstances.  I have found the willingness, even eagerness, of the fit and healthy, to care for the less fortunate among us, very heartening.

This virus is undoubtedly the most life-changing thing most of us have come across, in our whole lives. I believe that how we respond to it, both individually, and as a society, will have a great effect on how well we come through it. If we do the best that we can to look after ourselves, support others, or receive support graciously and with gratitude, we will come out of this better and stronger than before. But if we allow fear to overcome common sense, it will be a very long few weeks or months.

Yes, there are things we cannot control - how long this will last, its effects on the economy, and on our individual lives. Yes, we are afraid for the well-being of our loved ones. But there are also things we can control - mainly our own attitudes, our willingness to take each day as it comes, sensible adherence to the physical distancing regulations (because this is not about "social" distancing at all - there are many other ways to keep in touch) and to do our best to remain as positive as we can, and get through this somehow.

Bright blessings to all my readers - may you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from harm, may you find peace. Amen