Behind the Mask

"Behind the mask is always a living face." These words, by Irish poet, William Butler Yeats, are so true.

One of the bravest things we can do in our lives is to take off the masks we wear, and show our true selves to the world. The mask of competence, the mask of "Everything's fine", the mask of "I can make it alone", the mask of "I don't need anything."

Many of us, myself not least, spend most of our lives hiding behind those masks, because the thought of sharing our needs for empathy, companionship and help is a scary one. But taking that step, showing our vulnerable selves to the world, is a vital one on the journey towards our true selves, our lives in God.

I have found the Enneagram an incredibly useful tool on my journey towards my true self (two steps forward, one step back). I discovered nine years ago that I am a Three, the Achiever, who would rather gnaw her own leg off than admit to needing other people's praise and approval, but in desperate need of them nonetheless. I have blogged about this before, here. Slowly, slowly, I have learned to peep out from behind my mask, to trust (a few, very special) other people with my vulnerability. My journey is by no means over yet - I expect it will take the rest of my life.

But just knowing that behind the mask is my unique living face, helps, somehow. Which is why the prayer of Teresa of Avila, below, really resonates with me, these days...

Today, may there be peace within.
May I trust God that I am exactly where I am meant to be.
May I not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May I use those gifts that I have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to me.
May I be content, knowing I am a child of God.
May this presence settle into my bones,
and allow my soul the freedom
to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
Amen

The Difference between Relative and Absolute

I have always struggled with the notions of False Self and True Self, as explained by Richard Rohr (and before him, Thomas Merton). Struggled to understand what they mean for me.

Today my spiritual director explained them in another way, and it’s all come clear. He spoke of the Relative Self, which is the sum of our experiences, and the Absolute Self, that of God in us.

The Relative Self reacts and compares and likes things and people. It is subject to change. The Absolute Self is able to rise above this reactionary state. It observes and assesses. It is awake. It has compassion for all, including its own small, wounded, Relative Self. It loves things and people just the way they are.

The purpose of contemplative prayer, of meditation, is to quiet the chattering monkeys so that the Absolute Self can be heard. So that we learn to live mindfully, with awareness, and don’t just blunder through life reacting to whatever we see and hear and think and feel.

I feel like a door has opened in my mind, and am so very grateful.