Edges and Corners

This week's quote reads, "Celebrate your edges and corners. Diamonds aren't round either."

This is a call to celebrate human diversity, our own individuality, in a world where uniformity, following the crowd, fitting in, seems to be prized above almost anything else.  We live in an age where being different, or dissenting from the views of the majority, invites censure rather than praise, more often than not. 

Yet fitting in is not the same as true belonging. Brené Brown explains the difference beautifully in her book, The Gits of Imperfection. She writes, "When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our own worthiness - the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness - that critically important pieces that gives us access to love and belonging - lives inside of our story."

It takes courage to live authentically, with our edges and corners on show. The temptation to soften, blunt those edges and corners can be strong, as we strive to find a place in the world where we belong. Because being the odd one out, the one who doesn't "fit", hurts. It hurts a lot. People can be very cruel if our difference is on display. I know that in a small way from a childhood spent wearing patched glasses, and so a recipient of taunts in the playground. I was always chosen last for any games team, because my defective eyesight meant I "lost" the ball coming towards me. Many people have suffered, and continue to suffer, far worse than this, on account of their sexuality, the colour of their skin, their neurodivergence, to name but a few areas of "difference".

But like Brené says, "when we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don't fit with who we think we're supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness."

Yet human diversity is a gift, not a curse. Or it should be. Somewhere out there, there are people whose edges and corners fit with ours, who have come to terms with their own edges and corners.  When we find them, they allow the diamonds that we are to shine brightly.

Finding Enough

 The American poet, Walt Whitman, once wrote, "I have realised that being with the people you love is enough."

Perhaps this is self-evident. In which case, why do so many of us spend so much of our time and effort chasing after rainbows? More money, more food, more social media, more everything. We seem to find contentment, which is another way of saying "the consciousness of having enough", very difficult to discover.

But with Whitman, I believe that "being with the people you love" is enough. If we are lucky, there will be a place we can call "home", a place where we know we belong. But it need not be a physical space. For me, the word "home" signifies the company of loved others, in front of whom and with whom I can be myself - rather than a particular building made of bricks and mortar. It's more about feeling "at home", at peace, seen and heard for who we truly are.

Whereas "home" in the purely physical sense of "the place where you live" can be very far from a real home. There are far too many dysfunctional families for that. And the scars of childhood (wheter physical, mental, psychological or spiritual) are far too frequently felt by far too many people for me to believe that "home" means "the environment in which you were brought up" or "the environment you live in."

One of my favourite books by Celtic poet and theologian John O'Donohue is Eternal Echoes: Exploring our hunger to belong. In it, he writes about what I believe is the true sense of "home" - a place where we belong. He has much to say about longing and belonging and about "home" as a place of sanctuary and belonging, where we feel safe and can grow into our best selves. He wrote, "The word home has a wonderful resonance. Home is where you belong. It is your shelter and place of rest, the place where you can be yourself."

I believe that everyone needs solid roots (a safe and happy home, a loving family and/or friends, and a solid moral and ethical grounding) if they are to grow into wise, virtuous human beings. If one or more of those elements is missing, it will be that much harder for the person to grow up grounded and able to nurture others in their turn. Of course, it is far from impossible. Many people overcome all kinds of deprivation and cruelty and thrive in spite of them, but I do believe that those fortunate enough to grow up with solid roots will, perhaps paradoxically, find it easier to step out on their own as grounded adults.

       

  

Where We Feel Whole

 This week's quotation, by Jean Paul, reads, "Only at home is one whole."

Which left me thinking, hmmm. I'm not at all sure it is true. At least not in that particular phrasing. Because "home" can be interpreted in so many ways. From the photo which came with the quotation, it seems to imply a physical building, of which you go through the front door and then you are home and whole.

Hmmm. I think it depends on what the author meant by "home". For me, "home" is more nearly the company of loved others, in front of whom and with whom I can be myself - nothing to do with bricks and mortar. It's more about feeling "at home", at peace, seen and heard for who we truly are. Which I guess is what the author meant.

Whereas "home" in the bricks-and-mortar sense of "the place where you live" can be very far from a real home. There are far too many dysfunctional families for that. And the scars of childhood (whether physical, mental or psychological) are far too frequently felt by far too many people for me to believe that "home" means "the environment in which you were brought up".

One of my favourite books by Celtic poet and theologian John O'Donohue is Eternal Echoes: Exploring our hunger to belong. In it, he writes about what I believe is the true sense of home - a place where we belong. He has much to say about longing and belonging and about "homne" as a place of sanctuary and belonging, where we feel safe and can grow. He writes, "The word home has a wonderful resonance. Home is where you belong. It is your shelter and place of rest, the place where you can be yourself." 

But sadly, it may not be the building in which we live...

A Sense of Place

A few days ago, I spent the day exploring the land around Pendle Hill in Lancashire with my good friend. It is a new part of the world for me, and very beautiful, with its narrow winding roads bordered by dry stone walls, the autumn gold, yellow, green, orange, brown and bronze of the fields and trees, and the deep, deep blue of the sky.

image: www.fatgoatwalks.co.uk

And always, wherever we were, Pendle Hill, there in the background (or the foreground). It is a very distinctive part of the landscape.

The thing I found most interesting was how grounded my friend felt, here in her own place. I have never seen her so relaxed and settled. It is fascinating how much of an influence a place can have on a person. Sometimes it is only when we see people "on their native heath" that we see them whole. And it is something I feel in myself too - for example, as soon as I come within a couple of miles of the Nightingale Centre and Great Hucklow, I can feel a deep peace begin to settle within me. It is very much my spiritual home, the place where I feel at rest.

As usual, John O'Donohue says it best: "When you find a place in nature where your mind and heart find rest, then you have discovered a sanctuary for your soul. ...Perhaps nature senses the longing that is in us, the restlessness that never lets us settle. She takes us into the tranquillity of her stillness if we visit her. We slip into her quiet contemplation and inhabit for a while the depth of her ancient belonging. ... Nature calls us to tranquillity and rhythm. When your heart is confused or heavy, a day outside in nature's quiet eternity restores your lost tranquillity."