Dreams of Freedom

 This week's quote reads, "Tame birds dream of freedom, wild birds fly."

Which I think has a certain amount of truth in it, but also ignores the fact that sometimes, being behind bars (as symbolised by the tame birds) is not always (or even, perhaps, often) a matter of choice or custom, but a matter of unforgiving and unrelenting circumstance, outside our control.

There are two types of freedom: Freedom From and Freedom To. So, freedom from constraints, oppression, pain, for example. Freedom to believe and do what we like. Neither of which are available to us, all (or even much) of the time. 

How many of us can say, hand on heart, that we are truly free? I would guess that the lives of most of us are constrained in some way, at least some of the time - by not being allowed / able to do what we want to (constraints); by being picked on (or worse) by others because we do not fit in with some mythical "norm" (oppression); by our bodies letting us down or wearing out (pain). All these things limit our freedom.

And even fewer of us are free to do what we like, and not do what we don't like. There may be laws against it, or society frowns on it, or we have to spend a large proportion of our time doing things we need to do (like earning enough money to cover our costs of living or caring for our loved ones), or we simply do not have the time and energy to do it (whatever it is). To give one example, over the last few weeks, while I was poorly, I was signed off work and so in theory was free to do whatever I liked. But because I was ill, I was constrained by the limits of what my body could do.

Perhaps the only true freedom is that which resides inside our heads. We are free to choose what we believe about our lives, about God, about other people; and free to choose how we respond to those aforementioned unforgiving and unrelenting circumstances. Which may make all the difference to our happiness - I love the Serenity Prayer, by the Protestant theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, the first part of which reads:

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace."

If we can attain (and then hold onto) that mindset, we will be truly free, in all the ways that matter.

Following the Beat of Your Own Drum

This week's quote advises us to "Dance above all out of line." In other words, don't follow the herd, find your own truth and stick with it.

Which seems to be a courageous thing to do, these days. When we are bombarded in the news and social media by words of fanatics, who only ever see their own narrow point of view, and seem to be entirely bereft of empathy or compassion for people who do not look like, or act like, them.

It takes a certain amount of guts to raise your head above the parapet and to state your own truth, clearly and with love. The recent ruling about the definition of women by the UK Supreme Court is one example. Government and media seem to agree with the judges, which has left the LGBT community in this country, and particularly our trans friends, feeling vulnerable and afraid. We need to stand up for the rights of trans women. As Unitarians, we need to stand up for our oft-quoted value that every human being is worthy of dignity and respect. 

Today's world is a scary place in which to be "different" - whether that is non-white, non-cis-gendered, non-straight. There is far too much judgement and condemnation of "the other" and far too little attempt to understand and empathise with their points of view. 

So reach out to your friends, reassure them that they are loved. Because they are human beings. And that is the only qualification needed.

That Darned 'Like' Icon!

Most of my readers will be aware that there is a very profitable sector called the attention economy. Human beings are social animals, whose brains and hearts thrive on social interaction. Social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and all the rest, are marketed as a splendid way to keep in touch with all our friends and family, no matter where they are in the world. 

But since Facebook introduced the 'Like' button in 2009 (and all social media platforms followed suit), coupled with the development of smartphones through which we can access them 24/7, our relationship with social media has become addictive, sometimes even toxic. Or so Cal Newport and many others believe (including me).

In his wonderful book, Digital Minimalism, Newport asks the question, "What specifically makes new technologies well suited to foster behavioral addictions?" (in the form of feeling compelled to regularly check our feeds to see whether our posts have garnered any likes). And he zeros in on two aspects: "intermittent positive reinforcement and the drive for social approval." Newport quotes from Adam Alter's book Irresistible: "It's hard to exaggerate how much the 'like' button changed the psychology of Facebook use. What had begun as a passive way to track your friends' lives was now deeply interactive, and with exactly the sort of unpredictable feedback that motivated Zeiler's pigeons." (Michael Zeiler was a scientist who proved in the 1970s that "rewards delivered unpredictably are far more enticing than those delivered with a known pattern.")

So each time we post something on a social media platform, we are in some sense gambling that our post will garner likes, but cannot predict when or how this will happen. As Newport comments, "the outcome is hard to predict, which, as the psychology of addiction teaches us, makes the whole activity of posting and checking maddeningly appealing."

As I said earlier, human beings are social animals - our brains are wired that way. Social standing and approval have always been important to us. In a social media context, Newport explains, "If lots of people click the little heart icon under your latest Instagram post, it feels like the tribe is showing you approval - which we're adapted to strongly crave. The other side of this evolutionary bargain... is that a lack of positive feedback creates a sense of distress. This is serious business for the Paleolithic brain, and therefore it can develop an urgent need to continually monitor this 'vital' information."

So if we don't get the 'likes', don't get the interaction, we are conditioned to feel sad. Whereas actually, real, offline interactions, face-to-face with someone, are far more rewarding, psychologically. This kind of real world interaction is so much richer than the online variety.

Over the next few days, Unitarians from all over the UK will be gathering in Birmingham for our Annual Meetings. And I am feeling sad, because I am poorly, and so unable to attend. Which has meant that my one opportunity in the year to truly and deeply re-connect with friends from all over the country is gone. I will be missing out on hugs, deep conversations, fascinating new knowledge, and communal worship. All of which are far more rewarding than scrolling through social media feeds.

But I'll be back next year. Have a wonderful time, everyone!

[The irony that I will be posting this on Facebook, which is the only reliable method I know of sharing the post widely with my friends is not lost on me. But I will not be anxiously checking to see how many folk have liked it...]

Do What You Love (As Often As You Can)

 This week's quote reads, "Do what you love, love what you do."

And my first reaction was, "Huh, nice if you can manage it." Because very few people love *everything* they do. Even if we are fortunate enough to have a vocation - and I have two, as a minister and as a writer, so I count myself doubly blessed - there will still be times in our lives which we have to spend doing things we don't love.

For example, in my case, I loathe both housework and cooking. But I also know that if I want to live in a clean, tidy and welcoming home (which I do) some housework has to be done, in order to make that happen. And I need to eat!

But I understand what the author of the quote means. It is our approach to what we do which makes a difference to how happy we are (or aren't). If I dust or hoover with a bad mental attitude (this is so boring, I wish I could do something else, why can't I afford a cleaner?) it will inevitably make me unhappy. But if I adopt Pollyanna's attitude and try to find something to be glad about in it (the house is going to look lovely when I'm done, and I'll be able to sit down and enjoy it) the time will subjectively go more quickly and I'll derive some satisfaction from a job well done.

It reminds me of the old story of the Medieval traveller who came to a town where workmen were building a cathedral. He spoke to some of the workers about what they were doing, asking them why they were doing it. The first answered that he was doing it for the money; the second answered that he was doing it to support his wife and family, but the third turned to him with a beaming smile and said, "I'm building a cathedral to the glory of God."

So while we may not always be able to do what we love, we can surely try to love what we do.