Allowing for Growth

Today is a special day for me... forty years ago yesterday, my husband and I started dating. And twenty-five years ago today, my darling daughter was born.

So this week's quotation, by George Bernard Shaw, has resonated with me. "The sage lets flowers stand, without picking them."

Because the best things in life take time to come to perfection, and may only do so in the soil in which their seeds were nurtured. My husband and I have grown together, from young people in our early twenties to our present eminence (!) And I have watched my daughter grow and blossom into a wonderful young adult, whom we love and who loves us and her brother.

In both cases, the relationship has taken time and care and nurturing. And leaving alone to do its own thing. Which has not been easy, on occasion. Especially in the case of parenting. There have been times in both our children's lives when I have been seriously tempted to meddle, to intervene, even to "make it all better".

Sometimes, it is the hardest thing in the world to stand back, and let people you love go their own way, and learn from their experiences. Knowing that if you don't, they won't grow into their proper selves. I've been so very lucky, that both my children have grown up into loving, caring, functional adults.

I am grateful to Libby Purves, for some words I read when my son was very small: "Children have to be fed, clothed against the elements, conversed with a great deal, protected from evildoers and poisons, and given the chance to play and read and observe the adult world. They have to be educated, to take in the knowledge and wisdom their society has developed, and encouraged to take it further as they grow up. They have to be loved and valued, and allowed to bestow their own love on family and friends."

This struck a deep chord with me, and I have tried to follow it, for the past nearly-thirty years. And it has borne wonderful fruit. She also wrote, "to weigh a theoretical danger against an overwhelming love is the hardest thing in the world."

Yes. Letting the flowers alone, so that they can grow into their own perfection, is the best way. As Kahil Gibran wisely advised, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself... You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth."

So today, I am happy... I am blessed.