Swings and Roundabouts

 The German Romantic poet, Karoline von Günderrode, once wrote, "In order to win something more surely, one must always give up something else."

And I have certainly found this to be true, in my own life. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is amost always true, for the vast majority of people. The phrase "No-one rides for free." did not come about by accident.  Life is a process of making choices and decisions, and there is usually a downside, a price, to any decision or choice we make. 

Let me give you a couple of examples: the price of nurturing my children through to adulthood, of giving them strong roots, inevitably led to them leaving home as fully-formed adults. I had to also give them wings to fly. The cost of a daily writing habit is the ability to ever lie in bed beyond six a.m. The things we have to give up in order to "win something more surely" may be minor and easily absorbed (like geting up an hour early, at least for me) or it may be major and life changing (having to let my children grow into their own people, no longer dependent on me).

The thing we have to give up may be something we never thought would change. I was a librarian for twenty-five mostly happy and fulfilling years, before I felt the call to ministry. I was happy in my final library job, working for Learning Resources for Education, Northamptonshire's Schools Library Service, and had to think long and hard about leaving. I still miss being in touch with the children's book publishing scene.

But, as I was on the cusp of beginning my ministry training, Rev Lindy Latham sent me some very wise advice, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which I have never forgotten; in fact, it made so much sense to me that it has been pinned to the notice board in my study ever since:

"You must give up everything in order to gain everything. What must you give up? All that is not truly you/ all that you have chosen without choosing and value without evaluating, accepting because of someone else's extrinsic judgement, rather than your own/ all your self-doubt that keeps you from trusting and loving yourself or other human beings. What will you gain? Only your own, true self; a self who is at peace, who is able to truly love and be loved, and who understands who and what [s]he is meant for. But you can be yourself only if you are no one else. You must give up 'their' approval, whoever they are, and look to yourself for evaluation of success and failure, in terms of your own level of aspiration that is consistent with your values. Nothing is simpler and nothing is more difficult." 

I have tried to live by it ever since.