Self Acceptance

This week's quote is simple to read, yet hard to interpret. It says, "The most beautiful thing about me is me."

Because it can be interpreted in different ways. One negative way is to be so full of yourself that you believe you are the most important person in the world / your community and that everyone else should do as you say and believe what you believe. I am sure we can all think of a particular American politician who fulfils this brief to the hilt. And of all the negative effects that his narcissism is having on both the States and the wider world.

But most of us do not believe this of ourselves. Most of us have huge chunks of self-doubt, self-loathing to contend with. And so, when we get up in the morning, we put on the Mask, as a shield between our vulnerable selves and the world. As an attempt to fit in, to be accepted by others. And only take it off last thing at night, before sleep. And in between, we spend far too much time on social media, comparing ourselves disparagingly to others. This is also an unhealthy state of being, and a very unhappy way of living.

True self-acceptance is only possible after a lot of hard shadow work, undertaken over a long period of time. To be able to say (and truly mean) "the most beautiful thing about me is me" involves accepting all of ourselves, not only the bits we're proud of, but the small, mean, difficult bits, which we try so hard to hide from other people. There will always be parts of us we are unhappy with, but we have to somehow learn to love them anyway. Which means recognising our flaws, digging deep, finding their positive side (because there is a positive side to all of them) and then integrating them into our deepest selves. And recognising that we will never be perfect, that no-one is, and that is all right.

There are many self-help books, many processes we might follow to do this, including therapy and spiritual direction. In my own case, Debbie Ford's The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, and Richard Rohr's Discovering the Enneagram were the most influential, plus (crucially in my case) being held so that I could do the work, by an empathic spiritual director. But whatever works for you is fine.

Every one of us is of is "unique, precious, a child of God" to quote the Quakers. And infinitely worth of being treated with dignity and respect, including by ourselves.