Fleeing from the Past

 The twentieth century poet and playwright T.S. Eliot wrote, "Those who flee from their past always lose the race."

Hmm. I think it depends on the reason for the flight. For example, if someone flees from an abusive relationship, they are winning the race to start a new and better life. 

But maybe he is talking about our natural reluctance to confront our shadows - those inner parts of us which were formed earlier in our lives and which we hide away deep inside us and hide away from dealing with. I've written about this before: "When we ignore the shadows in our lives, we are not living authentically. Because all of us have shadows - the things in our lives we do not want to face up to, the parts of our personality we are in denial about. Dealing with these aspects of our lives is called shadow work, and I have blogged about it here. I do believe that it is only when we go deep that we can understand ourselves fully. Doing this necessary shadow work can be very painful, but it is necessary, if we are to grow into our best selves, our whole selves. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows or walking through beautiful woodland. It is by learning from the shadows, from the sad or painful things that have happened to us, that we grow."

I can remember when I first signed up for spiritual direction and my director asked me about my childhood. I responded by telling her it had been idyllically happy, which she immediately queried. And made me look inside myself for the first time and remember some things I had shoved down so far I had forgotten they were there. Which was the beginning of my own race towards living an authentic life, with all of me, shadows and all.

But I do believe we have to be well-supported on this journey. If we try to confront our demons on our own, we may end up losing the race anyway, through depression or despair. Loving and empathic support is needed to do this work. Each of us needs a friend or mentor who will hold us lovingly as we deal with the past of our lives. Someone who will listen without judging, someone who loves us unconditionally, warts and all. 

May we all have the capacity to be such friends, each to one another.

Chasing after Perfection

 Late 19th / early 20th century author, Christian Morgenstern wrote, "Everything beautiful creates a thirst for even more perfect beauty and perfection."

Here's the thing, Herr Morgenstern - no, it doesn't. At least, it doesn't in me. I think this attitude is one of the traps of our consumerist society - we are never content with what we have. We are always thirsting after "even more".

But it is possible to refuse the bait, to step off the roundabout, to be content with what we already have. Which is beauty in abundance, all around us. Even sitting here in my bedroom, confined with Covid, I can look out of the window and see the beautiful shape of the tree in our garden, silhouetted against a glorious blue sky.

And you know what? That is enough for me. It doesn't make me immediately long for different views, more beauty. I take it into my mind and heart and appreciate the beauty right in front of me.

I believe that perfectionism is an evil which never allows us to be content with the "enough" all around us. I'm a great believer in "good enoughism". I'll do my best (and I do have pretty high standards) BUT once I have done my best, I let it go and submit it, send it (whatever *it* might be) out into the world.

Appreciating what we have and not always striving after elusive perfection is a perfect (ha!) recipe for happiness and contentment. 

Being in Harmony

 The 19th century playwright Oscar Wilde wrote, "Being good means being in harmony with yourself."

My Concise Oxford Dictionary defines 'harmony' as "agreeable effect of apt arrangement of parts" or "sweet or melodious sound". And it defines the adjective 'harmonious as "forming a consistent or orderly or pleasing or agreeable whole; free from dissent or ill-feeling".

Human beings are complex creatures, being possessed of a body, a mind, a heart and a soul. And often these different parts of us are in conflict with one another - perhaps our mind is suggesting one course of action, while our heart is suggesting another. And it is only when we bring the diverse parts of ourselves to the table (so to speak) and listen to all of them in turn, that we will be able to discern what is the right course for us, what is the next right thing for us to do.

This takes practice, and also the understanding that we are made up of all these parts, each of whom has the right to be heard. I was a "walking head" for many years, almost wholly run by my mind. It is only gradually, over the last twenty years, that I have come to understand that my body and my heart also have valid inputs to make and that I should listen to them. And that I have a soul, that of God within me, whose "still, small voice" might be heard if I could clear my monkey mind out of the way, or at least, still it for long enough to hear that elusive voice.

It's about learning to understand what is right for us on the deepest level - what will nourish our hearts and souls, as opposed to making us feel fearful, worried or empty. Of course it is never possible to re-track, to undo the choices we have made in the past, but we can try to be more aware of the choice-making process, of the possibility of harmony. So that we don't compromise all the time, choosing the seemingly easy over the right. Because very often, if we don't listen with all of ourselves, and make a choice in haste, just to get it over with, this will actually lead to more worry and heartache, and a distinct lack of harmony in our lives.

So how can we cultivate this very sane approach to our lives? How can we follow the "breadcrumbs from God" as Wayne Muller so beautifully expresses it in his book, A Life of Being, Having and Doing Enough? He tells us that "If our choices feel right and true, if we hold them, listen to them, and act upon them clearly and well each successive moment - regardless how seemingly small or insignificant - we are more likely to feel fruitful and sufficient, moment by moment, choice by choice... We walk moment by moment, leaning into a vigorous reliance upon our heart's knowing and an unshakable faith in our intuitive capacity to listen for and know, what must and what must not be done."

If we can manage to do this, so easy to describe, but sometimes so hard to implement, process, then we will find that our lives will be in harmony with our deepest selves, that we will experience that sweetness.

The Spirit of Liberty

 Each year, I buy a set of 53 postcards from Harenberg Kalender, which comprise a lovely image and an inspirational quote for each week of the year. And, although they couldn't have known it, this week's quotation, by the Renaissance author and philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli,  is most applicable: "The spirit of liberty no violence subdues, no time erases, no gift makes up for."

I am sure that you, like me, have been horrified by the Russian invasion of the Ukraine, by the violence which is going on there. My Facebook feed has been filled by reactions to this unjustified invasion of a democratic country. 

It is, perhaps, difficult to imagine what we can do in the face of such armed aggression. We have made a donation to the Red Cross appeal and this weekend I will be going through my wardrobe to sort out some clothing to take to a local collection point.

And, although "no gift makes up for" the loss of liberty, it might help those Ukrainians who have been forced to flee from the violence. 

The point is, we can all make a difference, however small, where we are. I came across a beautiful poem by the American poet, John Roedel, which both embraced his feelings of despair about this terrible war, but also shared some hope. He wrote, "I can't force peace on the world, but I can become a force of peace in the world, because sometimes all it takes is a single lit candle in the darkness to start a movement."

He suggests that "the only thing [we] can do is love the next person [we] encounter without any conditions or strings, to love our neighbor so fearlessly that it starts a ripple that stretches from one horizon to the next."

We may not, as individuals, be able to do much about the situation in Ukraine (although we can of course write to our MPs to ask that Ukrainian refugees will be made welcome here, make donations, take part in vigils and pray for peace, to give just four examples). But I do believe that we can all make a difference to the world in which we live by following Roedel's advice and loving the next person we encounter "without conditions or strings."

Because the power of unconditional love is enormous. If each one of us genuinely tried to love our neighbour, which means each person we meet, and to treat each one with the utmost equity and respect, to see each and every one of them as "unique, precious, a child of God", I believe it will make a positive difference, where we are. And who know where the ripples might end?